Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Comfy? Cozy?

It seems that recently, a lot of topic of conversation in a lot of different arenas and situations have somewhat flittered around comfort levels and appropriate conversation. Even the blogs I read are discussing it. Earlier this month, Maggie Mason at Mighty Girl posted her list of 7 Things Every Woman Should Master, and it is hard to miss item number 5. Naturally, at a discussion she and Heather Armstrong gave in Vancouver BC this week at Vidfest, that was the high point of the discussion. Though the internet may not be shut down over a mommy blogger using the term blow job, it definitely had to ruffle some feathers.

In the last year or two (mostly since I've gotten a little older, a little more married and my mom started reading my blog regularly), my own blog has taken a more superfacial feel, with the occasional, deeper, more indepth entry, as compared to posts from 2000 or 2003 or even 2005 or 2006, where I would generally and uninhibitedly rehash my ex and his life with me and his life post me and I would even post letters he'd written to me. I know a good part of it was me just getting past it all and finding something more worthwhile in my life than picking at the same old scabs. But I've also come to find that a bit of decorm can go a long way.

A friend at school jokingly suggested that I start writing blog erotica and I kind of shrugged and said "Yeah, I used to do that." And I did. It's not something I have discussed much, but I did write some naughty little stories and posted them on an anonymous blogger website. I kept it up for awhile but then I hit a writer's block and then I got busy and then I just forgot. So after awhile, I took the stories down and deleted the site. I didn't think about it again until Halley suggested I do it. And when she asked why I took it down, I couldn't really answer. But I guess my impudent behavior had something to do with finding myself and coming more into my own. Once I figured out who she was, I knew that shocking people, whether they knew it was me or not, was no longer an answer.

Comfort levels are definitely as varied and personal as your choice in deodorants. Some people live as a complete and open book, sometimes to the point that you are forced to hear things about them you don't necessarily ever want to know and others are so private about themselves and their lives that they don't post pictures of themselves on their Myspace pages and keep the few tidbits of info they are willing to share on here in a private account. They are welcome to do so, but it just goes to show the varying levels of comfort.

There are a lot of days that I have to stop and delete what I am about to write because I am not sure how it will go over. I know that girlfriends of Mike's friends read my blog, as do people I have never even met and of course, close friends. Though some of my entries can be chalked up to "Betsy being Betsy", I know there are some that hit the wall and slide to the ground, leaving a messy residue behind. I can sometimes hear the emails being sent before I even hit Preview & Post. "Can you believe she wrote about that? I am speechless!" Do I write for me or do I write to my audience? Do I risk losing readers because I discuss Brazilians and threesomes and blowjobs and silly things my husband says and does or do I stick to nothing but surveys? I don't have kids or pets, so I lose out on topics right there and there are only so many times I can talk about trying to lose weight, school and memories. This trying to decide what is discussion-worthy, appropriate and interesting can be so difficult. But I do like for people to be comfortable here.

Sometimes, they manage to cancel each other out.

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