Thursday, June 19, 2008

Accepting the (dirty) truth

God, I love She Likes Purple. This girl so perfectly captures what I am thinking or feeling sometimes, it's a bit scary.

From "The View" posted today, June 19th, 2008:

Some people will always think I'm too ugly or too fat or too insecure or too liberal or too open-minded or too close-minded or too messy (which, well, they've got a point) or too happy or too depressed or too awkward or too wound up. They'll think my nose is too big or I'm too short or I don't listen to good enough music or I eat at Chili's too often or I make my dog talk or I watch too much reality television and not enough educational programming even though educational programming makes me more bored out of mind than more knowledgeable. Some people will think a million things of me, and they may dislike me for each one, and, regardless, I'd still be breathing in and out, and it would all be okay. It's even slightly self-absorbed to worry about all the ones who don't like me, isn't it? Why would I expect every breathing human to find me witty and likable?


I did something recently that I am not at all proud of and despite my attempts to rationalize or trivalize what I did to make myself feel better, it doesn't change that I f*ked up and hurt someone. Also, I hurt myself in the process, as she is friends with some of my friends and I worry that get togethers that include all of us are going to be extremely awkward, if for no one else, for me. But that is the price I pay for being a jerk. Now, I also have to come to accept the fact that chances are, this person who used to like me, probably now doesn't. I am the ass here; kick me if you please.

It's weird; I am okay with people who I don't like, not liking me back. It somehow justifies my feelings towards them. But when they seem to like you, it just feels strange. There is a girl at school who is like that. She's rubbed me the wrong way from the start (as well as a number of other people) but she is nothing but nice to me. How do you deal with that?

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