Flowin' Freely, Warm and Quiet

A wise woman once told me that for however long you loved a person, it will take you that long to heal from them. Since I was desperately trying to get over my ex, I didn't want to believe it at the time. Looking back now, I would have to admit she was right. The emotions definitely faded and "healed" with time, but it probably took about four years after our splitting for my heart to finally say "Enough time looking back. Let's focus on forward."

The past year and a half since then have been far more harmonious when it comes to looking at, talking about and understanding that chapter of my life. I choose now to refer to my closing that chapter as "when I left California" and not when I broke up with the ex. Mike doesn't care to ever really discuss the ex or that portion of my past because it is just that - behind us. He's moved on, I've moved on and more than anything, time has moved on.

There is the occasional thing that takes me back, because I am cursed with this fantastic memory but it feels more like I am recalling then reliving these days. And those occasional things are growing to be fewer and further between.

I came across this song recently and I have to say it is as if someone opened up my heart, read everything I was feeling that last week we were "together" (breaking up/still living together) and then poetically set it to music.

Keep You
By Jennifer Nettles, Kristian Bush and Bobby Pinson

We said, goodbye, tried a hand at magic
But we couldn't make us disappear
Not a day goes by I don't wish I had you
So in a way, I'm glad you're still here
It's a bittersweet victory
Lovin' the ghost in front of me

Now I can't laugh, can't cry
And I can't run, can't hide
What do I gotta do
What do I gotta do to keep you
What do I gotta do to keep you from
doing this to me?

I wrote a couple of notes, one in love
one in anger
They're lying there dying in the dresser
drawer
Lived louder than my voice
Struggled through a stranger
He loved me 'til I loved you even more
It' a bittersweet victory
Knowin' someone else wanted me

Now I can't laugh, can't cry
And I can't run, can't hide
You get used to the pain
And numb to the sting
Til you can't feel anything

You tried to explain
But I couldn't hear it
As if your words
were my tears
Flowin' freely
Warm and quiet
From the edges of my eyes
in my ears
Then all that disappears

Now I can't laugh, can't cry
And I can't run, can't hide
Now I can't laugh, can't cry
And I can't run, can't hide

What do I gotta do
What do I gotta do to keep
What do I gotta do to keep you from
doing this to me



I suppose this just goes to show that no one can fully and truly say "No one knows how I am feeling." Emotions are varied and vast, but there is that chance that someone is going through the very same experience as you and they could know the very beats of your heart.

It's recalling things like this that make me snuggle a little bit closer into Mike's embrace.