Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Very Long Day (revisited)

Tomorrow marks the return of my blowout shopping day with Mom. We start early and go go go until we've nearly crossed everything off our lists. We weren't able to do it last year, due to the weather, but two years ago, we had a long, eventful day. I wrote this the following day. I am hoping that tomorrow will be as successful and just as memorable. 

I took the day off with Mom yesterday and we went shopping for our Christmas gifts. This is a pretty accurate reinactment of the day.

1:00 am - I decide that it is probably time to turn off the "Golden Girls" rerun and go to sleep.

6:16 am - alarm goes off as usual and I hit snooze, as usual

6:45 am - finally decide that maybe I should get up and get ready.

6:50 am - Turn on curling iron and proceed to smooth out my still frizzy hair from last night's blow out.

7:03 am - Check the parking lot situation and decide to move my car into one of the empty ones instead of making Mike wake up and switch spots with me.

7:15 am - begin putting on make-up noting that I am spending more time on my appearance than I ever do on a work day

7:33 am - Mom calls to tell me she is on her way

7:41 am - Mom picks me up and hands me a bag of misc items

7:50 am - we are stuck in the same traffic I am always stuck in. For some reason, we thought we'd just zip down to the mall without having to deal with traffic when we first planned this out.

8:15 am - we debate where on 82nd is there a Walmart. I haven't been there much since breaking it off with Jarad, so I don't quite remember things as I used to.

8:25 am - Mom proves to be correct in the location of a Walmart and promptly makes an illegal Left Hand turn into the parking lot

8:40 am - I debate whether or not to get Jasmine a High School Musical Karaoke game that is Playstation 2 compatible. I can imagine my brother-in-law cringing every time he comes home to play and his 6 year old is belting out some wobbly rendition of some song. I can also imagine her getting really good and becoming a professional singer and thanking me, Aunt Betsy for helping her discover her talent all those years ago . . .

8:42 am - I decide that I like having Darrick like me and choose not to buy the game.

8:50 am - I lug a heavy gift out to the car for my mom and keep telling myself that its like working out. Sort of.

8:55 am - We pull into Michael's for supplies for crafts we are working on. Mom goes to hunt for a cookie press and I head to the scrapbook region. I spend way too much time and thought on paper.

9:25 am - We park at Clackamas Towne Center and embark on part one of dealing with a huge Oregon Mall a week before Christmas

10:06 am - I call Mike to make sure he is awake. He doesn't answer.

10:08 am - He calls back, disoriented but still asking how the day is going.

10:15 am - Mom complains about the lack of colors in cufflink dress shirts, because last year, that's how they all came.

10:16 am - I ask Mom if my brother even has cuff links. She doesn't recall. But he had it on his list.

10:30 am - I pay for a fantastic Christmas gift for Mike at a steal of a price. It is already deemed the best deal of the day.

10:31 am - feet are already beginning to hurt and burn from the friction of my crappy socks. I decide I need to buy new socks.

10:45 am - We are on a mission to find three cds - two of which are by artists I have never heard of. None of the stores we stop in have them, but I have time to drool over an Otis Redding collection I really, really want.

11:00 am - I am reminded, yet again, why I hate JC Penny's so much. Stupid Customer Service check out centers. Also, their holiday socks are way too expensive. Also, all their flannel shirts come in ugly colors and only size XL.

11:11 am - I ask a woman in the JC Penny's Sephora if they carry Kiehl's products. I have to pronounce the name three times for her to understand me and then decide that if she doesn't know what I am saying, they obviously don't.

11:25 am - we leave the mall and decide to go lunch.

11:40 am - Our first selection for lunch is not opened for lunchtime.

11:55 am - we are sitting in a booth at Applebee's, debating whether to get a Weight Watcher's meal, or what we really want. Guess what wins?

12:03 pm - call Shonda to find out who we drew for the family gift exchange. Oddly enough, it's the persons I suspected we'd draw.

12:04 pm - Mike text messages me to tell me the name of the people we drew for said gift exchange.

12:09 pm - I devour my turkey sandwich (mmmm chutney . . .)

12:25 pm - we head to Linens and Things and I hope they may have holiday socks.

12:40 pm - They don't.

1:00 pm - We decide to go to Target and Old Navy before heading back to the mall.

1:10 pm - I am immediately drawn to a green cashmere sweater at Old Navy. I don't own cashmere

1:11 pm - I try to point out clothes that I can wear to work to my mom for ideas. I have a tendency to only ever want to dress in velour and comfy clothes. Slacks don't come in velour.

1:20 pm - Mom and I split in the store as I look for gifts for the men in my life (husband, father, brother) and she buys gifts for me, I assume. I search more for socks. They have none that will work.

1:30 pm - I get into line once my mom is done paying, so I won't accidentally see what she is getting. I manage to get in line between two middle aged strangers complaining to each other about the annoying loud music that Old Navy is playing and a young mom with her four and 18 month old children. I can't decide who is more entertaining.

1:40 pm - I pay and get out of line only to realize I was over charged. The line is not even longer than it was when I first got in it.

1:45 pm - I cut in line and get my 9.50 back.

1:49 pm - We move to Target. In the parking lot, I thank the girl who pulled through to the available parking spot in front of mine, so that I too could park. She looks at me like I am thanking her for wearing her hair in a ponytail.

2:00 pm - We wait for the only kid in electronics to help us. I feel badly for him but am ticked that the store doesn't give him more help.

2:02 pm - Waiting for the kid, I watch this woman and her daughter drag him around the department looking for some thing she'd called ahead and asked they hold for her. Mother and daughter are in matching velour jumpsuit and I wonder why Mom and I didn't think to do the same thing.

2:20 pm - Mom ditches our cart after I complain the tenth time about it.

2:23 pm - remembering all we are going to need to get, I go back and get our cart from the aisle we left it in.

2:27 pm - Target does not have any of those cds we are looking for either.

2:35 pm - Mike asks that I pick up coffee, alluding to a comment I'd made the night before about him calling me to pick up coffee around 2 pm on my shopping day.

2:40 pm - Target has cute, decently priced holiday socks! And comfy shoe inserts for good measure.

2:55 pm - we check out and head to the car

3:10 pm - socks and shoes repaired, I am feeling so much better

3:15 pm - We embark on part two of dealing with a huge Oregon Mall a week before Christmas

3:20 pm - Distracted on a tangent, we park at Barnes and Noble so I can show Mom the amazing book we bought for Jasen and Kristi's new daughter we visited the night before.

3:30 pm - We head to the Macy's home store for a couple ideas for gifts. I try to discretely shop for something, but Mom doesn't get the hint when she asks "Where are you?" and I answer "Hiding from you." She is looking, again, for a cookie press. You know, in case the one she bought at Michael's doesn't work.

3:30 pm - Mom drags me to Christopher and Banks and then asks my opinion on various different clothing articles. She disagrees with every one of them.

3:40 pm - My feet start aching again and the only chair in the store is occupied by some old guy. I finally opt to sit on the floor.

3:45 pm - old guy leaves the store with his wife and I take the chair before another old guy who is wandering the store with his wife spies it.

3:50 pm - I see a cute knitted handbag and try it on. It's on sale for $16.71

3:57 pm - As Mom checks out, I announce that I am thirsty and needing water.

4:05 pm - While trying to decide where to get something to drink, I am accosted by a kiosk salesperson. She asks if my hair is naturally curly. When she motions over to her flat irons, I promptly cut her off, assuring her that I do have a very good flat iron and that it is the moisture in the air making my hair look like this. (Also, flat iron is living in my closet now. Do you know how long it would take to iron my entire head??)

4:10 pm - We go to Nordstrom's, use their lounge and then go to their cafe for a cookie and two glasses of water. I down three glasses before my mom gets halfway through her first glass.

4:30 pm - We wander through jewelry and handbags before deciding to go look at the shoes. I have been eyeing a pair of fake UGGs for a couple of months now.

4:40 pm - We are still waiting for one of the six shoe department employees to come help us. I have shoved my foot into a shoe too small in size, just for emphasis. It doesn't feel good.

4:43 pm - Mom goes and asks if anyone can help us. They promptly and apologetically send a guy over.

4:43 pm - I show the salesman the shoes and tell him the size I want to try them on in. He goes to the back and I tell my mom "Watch. I asked for one pair of shoes, he'll come back with at least three. The ones I wanted, the same in another color and a third pair that are similar but made by someone else."

4:45 pm - Sales guy comes back with four pairs of shoes.

4:47 pm - After trying the shoes on in the right size and confirming they are comfy, the sales guy takes off for the cash register before I can indicate to him that I was trying them on so my mom would know what size to get them in, if she decided to buy them.

4:50 pm - Mom buys them and I ask if she plans to wrap them anyway. I already know the answer.

5:00 pm - We decide that we should split up for a bit and determine where and what time to meet back up.

5:03 pm - I am accosted by my second kiosk person and I ignore him completely.

5:08 pm - I walk around Hallmark, looking for something specific. I am asked several times if I need help but decline. What I am searching for should not be hard to find.

5:10 pm - I cannot find what I was looking for and decide to leave. Three stores down the walkway, I decide I should buy Christmas cards for my family while I am shopping. One less trip later. I turn around and return to Hallmark.

5:20 pm - After pouring over cards, everyone I like is $4.99 and that is entirely too expensive for cards. I attempt for find cheaper ones that are as meaningful.

5:24 pm - I realize that Hallmark makes Christmas cards for Mother and Husband but not for Dad and Wife. What kind of crap is that?

5:26 pm - After deciding on cards, I spot the item I had originally gone into the store for.

5:28 pm - Pay too much for cards. Still. And I forget to ask for the seal stickers.

5:29 pm - I realize that I still have 15 minutes before meeting Mom and no where else I need to go. I must wander, with sore feet.

5:35 pm - I walk into Forever Slutty 21 because Kate can find cute things in there. Maybe I can too.

5:38 pm - I can't and leave the store.

5:39 pm - I am accosted by the THIRD kiosk salesman of the day. (I am itching to go off on him, explaining to him that I go to the stores I am interested in shopping at. I don't want the store to come to me. I don't need the lotion or scented muscle relaxing microwave heated beanbag or the nail buffing kit he may have to sell me. But I don't.) I keep walking and ignore him even when he says in an impatient tone "Excuse me!"

5:40 pm - I sit down on a bench near our agreed meeting place and watch the mother and son on the bench next to me. Son is maybe 2, wearing a backpack that looks like a dog riding on the boy's back. It's cute.

5:42 pm - Mom and son's family join them and they all go into Bath and Body Works.

5:43 pm - Dad and son return to the bench and I notice cute doggy backpack also has a leash. For the child.

5:45 pm - Hot guy has walked past my bench three times now. He's not my type, but he is easy on the eyes.

5:50 pm - Mom is a no show and I am getting queasy from the swaying of the upper level land bridge I am sitting on.

5:52 pm - A nap sounds wonderful.

5:53 pm - I spy Mom coming out of the store that was our meeting spot. She didn't see me when she went in and looked for a cookie press. They didn't have one.

5:57 pm - Mom is still on a mission to find a present for her assistant. She informs me she is taking her assistant to lunch tomorrow and has to have a present for her then.

6:05 pm - We wander into Coach because . . . well, why not?

6:10 pm - I realize the only thing I have to wear to a lunch with my friends from high school on Saturday is the same color as what I wore last year and I cannot have that. I attempt to find something in the Juniors department of Macy's.

6:15 pm - Designated boobs holes suck.

6:20 pm - Cheeky Rose the salesgirl asks if I have a Macy's card, which I do. But I want to pay in cash. She keeps pestering me until I put the sweater on my Macy's card and then I immediately pay it off my card. This is why I loathe retail.

6:25 pm - We hit the jewelry department of Macy's looking for a gift. We finally agrees on something.

6:40 P car.< the for head and leave We - pm>

6:50 pm - We realize we are hungry and should eat dinner.

7:00 pm - I am attempting to get into the parking lot of the place we decide to eat. On 82nd, that is not easy.

7:10 pm - We finally park.

7:30 pm - We decide to go to two more stores - another Target for a few items we couldn't find at the first Target (and the coffee I'd forgotten to get Mike) and the Post Office near the airport.

7:40 pm - This Target has a present for Mike I have been looking for, for weeks. I also almost forget the coffee, again.

8:03 pm - We arrive at the Post Office and notice the parking lot is full and the line is nearly out the door. We decide to scrap it and Mom promises to go the following day and get me the stamps I need for the rest of my Christmas cards.

8:25 pm - Mom drops me off at home. I am ready to pass out. But I am nearly done with my shopping and that is a very good feeling.

1 comment:

  1. Cracks me up - especially the second cookie press and Christopher Banks part. I need to finish my shopping. Waiting for husband to watch kid... I'm thinking I wont get Christmas shopping done today. I wish you the best of luck!!