Sweet Jebus

It's been almost 17 months since I last blogged. I had my reasons, I'm sure, though I cannot recall what all they were. It wasn't like a decision I came to one day, or any form of a clear thought like "That's it, I am NOT blogging anymore." I just stopped.

I have missed it. I suppose I figured most of the friends who were visiting here and reading this were also on my facebook and could just read up on things there. But the bigger facebook gets, the more people you find or find you and before you know it, your fourth grade teacher, your third cousin on your mother's side in England and your long last pen pal from middle school are all your friends and you suddenly develop a very strict filter.

Of course, it probably is a good thing that I haven't been blogging. My fiancee (yes, I have one of those now!!!!) is a very private man and he isn't thrilled that I post as much as I do on facebook. I can only imagine what he would say/feel about me posting so much more openly on here than I do on there. However, I was the girl who wrote her Senior Paper in high school on censorship, so it may come down to me just flexing those filter muscles and being careful. Who knows where it will lead.

I still have people coming all of the time and reading an entry I wrote back in 2008. It's crazy, but I suppose that is what happens when you use a fan fiction author's name in your title. So I am going to try to be a little bit better about updating the blog.

So let's see. I left off with a few tales of horrific dates I had been on. And I had a few more after that. Then, in the winter of 2010/2011, I decided to take a break from dating entirely. It just got to be exhausting, trying to find someone, so I decided I would just wait a bit for him to find me. And he did. Or rather, friends found him for me.

In February 2011, a friend named Courtney sent her husband Trevor in for a haircut and while I was taming his mullet (no, I am dead serious. It's gone now, but back then, it was all business/party) he happened to ask if I was seeing anyone. I wasn't and told him so. He didn't say much else. So a week went by and Courtney came in with their son for his hair to be trimmed and I asked her about it.

"Oh, that's because he wants to introduce you to someone."

Now, this couple set me up about a year prior to that with a gentleman who was nice enough, but we didn't hit it off. I was a bit skeptical after that, simply because I didn't know if they knew what kind of guy I was looking for. To my recollection, they never met my ex, so they didn't have much to go off of. But Courtney assured me he was a great guy and we would meet soon enough. (In hindsight and knowing Trevor as I do now, chances are he was just trying to get his friend laid. I doubt he thought we'd be as great of a couple as we are.)

Soon enough ended up being about a month later. If you ask Rob (that's his name, btw) he'll tell you we met at a truck stop. If you ask me, I'll tell you it was a blind date. Both are true. Courtney got tickets to a fresh faces concert at Jubitz, a truck stop in North Portland with a lounge called the Ponderosa. She got me to come because I heart country music and she also mentioned that Rob would be there. She got him to come because it was her birthday and she is a force to be reckon with for sure. For me, it truly was a blind date. I had no idea what he looked like. He'd seen one picture of me while I was cutting their son's hair, but I can almost guarantee you it was not a good angle of me.

We hit it off well enough to go out a second time and by the end of the first week (where I think we saw each other about five times) I was smitten. By the end of week two, I was referring to him as my boyfriend and by the end of April, he had met my family and all of my friends (courtesy of my birthday). By the end of May, I was technically, though not officially, living with him. We just kind of knew.

He proposed over Labor Day weekend. That story is super sweet and I have pictures for it too, but I will have to save it for another entry.

We are planning a June wedding. It will be small and intimate and a lot of fun. I am just hoping the weather holds up for us, since PNW weddings are always a crap shoot, thanks to the rain. But the last week of June is usually a decent week. I have my dress (its gorgeous) and my shoes, we have the location and the friend who will be officiating. We have asked our Best Man and Matron of Honor and they have accepted. Now it is just a matter of getting all the other million little details ironed out.

(By the way, do you know how easy it is to be ordained online to be an officiant? Its so easy, I became ordained the other night just for kicks and giggles. So if anyone needs me to marry them, I totally can do it now!)

I have to say I am so ready to be this man's wife. You'd think a girl would be thrilled to be able to plan two weddings for herself, but there is an underlining layer of dread in me. It is like having a second job, planning a wedding. And in the end, it is all for ONE DAY. One incredible, magical, unforgettable day, but one day nonetheless. So we are trying to be reasonable (okay, I am trying to be reasonable) and keep things to a budget that won't make us cringe, ever.

And if I ever worry about family and close friends feeling denied a huge, elaborate wedding, I remind myself that my brother is getting married in early March and they will all get their fill there. I am so thrilled to be Maid of Honor in that wedding. It's pretty awesome to be close enough to your brother's future wife that she asks you to be her MOH. I had hoped I would get a sil that was that awesome; I just never dreamed I would.

To be fair, I am gaining two sisters this year, as Rob has a younger sister named Melissa. We haven't met in person, but we have hit it off on facebook and we seem to have common interests. I mean, she's a Joss Whedon fan, so really, that was all I ever needed to know.

Positive Alternative

He was tall, dark and handsome and sitting across from me in a booth at Denny's at about 1 am on a Saturday morning. I had just left another less than stellar date when he called and wanted to meet up, mostly to avoid having to walk into his house and past his roommate and girlfriend having sex on the sofa. "The whole place probably reeks of vagina."

Yes, folks, I was a positive alternative to a house reeking of vagina. I should have just gone home right then and there. But I was hungry and craving those pancake puppies that Denny's has on their menu, so I went. And while no penises were displayed for me, TDH did pull out his Droid, brought up my profile and began to compared my pictures "the real deal". When I admitted that of course they were some of the best of best of me I'd put up, he cooed "Awww . . . you think you're ugly, don't you?"

What do you say to that? Yes, I do. You sound like you are either fishing or have horrible self-esteem. No, I know I am smoking hot. You sound conceited and stuck up. Its a double edge sword I didn't ask to play with.

He also started to read to me what I had posted about myself. "You like music and movies. How original!"

"Yes, I know what it says. I did write it. " TDH smirks to himself and I begin to lose interest, in both him (which was only mild to begin with) and my puppies (which were not nearly as delicious as I had recalled). It also did not help that TDH pointed out that they looked like battered testicles.

So at some point, once we were done eating, he gets up and moves to my side of the booth (ahhhh flashbacks!!!) but not to show me his member. He's 6'6" and wanted to stretch out his legs. And there the rest of our 'date' commenced, with both of us kind of talking at each other, not with each other as he watched other late night diners walk in, scantily clad women and bewildered looking men who were quite thrown by this TDH man staring at them.

Then he laid his head on my shoulder. "Your shoulder feels good for a stranger."

I think I'm going to stay that way to him. . . a stranger.

30 before 30

The inevitable is coming . . . I'll be turning 30 on April 24th, 2011. And while I may be a little late on really getting started on accomplishing (or even finishing) this list, I am trying to tackle some of the things on here before I close out my 20's.

1. Achieve my dream body (Drop the weight, achieve desired tone and definition)
2. Take a finance class (Dave Ramsey here I come!)
3. Go see a movie entirely alone (sad, huh?)
4. Finish writing the novel (Nothing More, that is)
5. Get my passport (You know, so I can finally travel)
6. Learn to make tamales (They just look hard) 
7. Read camera owner's manual and really learn my camera (I never read owner's manuals)
8. Improve my photography skills (This will be easy . . . they are pretty basic right now)
9. Learn to crochet (Seems that it is coming back into fashion)
10. Brush up on my calligraphy (I used to be decent at it)
11. Sing karaoke alone (Also, preferably not drunk)
12. Road trip with Sarah (Anywhere. I don't care where we go)
13. Finish the cross stitch I started for Mom in 2001 (I doubt she'll want it but yeah, its time)
14. Write and deliver an amazing toast at Kate and Joe's wedding - Did it! August 8th, 2010
15. Be able to do 30 minutes on the step mill (Right now I can do 12 minutes tops. Rumor has it, it gives you a booty!)
16. Be able to do hanging crunches (Six pack, here I come!)
17. Run a half marathon 5k (hahaha! Trying to keep it realistic)
18. Actually learn to like running (because I usually only run if I am being chased!)
19. Read "The Secret" (I never finish self-help books)
20. Learn to meditate (Shut off my brain? We'll see if that is possible.)

This is where I ran out of ideas and started listing ones I had wanted to do and have already accomplished
21. Get a tattoo - January 25th, 2004
22. Learn to knit - November 24th, 2005
23. Do the Avon 3-Day 60 mile - July 12-14th, 2002
24. Pierce my navel - March 27th, 2001

And finally . . .I have slots for 6 more things. 
25.
26.
27.
28.
29
30.

Anyone got suggestions for the last six? I realize this is my life and therefore, my list . . . but has anyone else done this?

Adventures in Dating

One of the most interesting (entertaining, mind-numbing, exhilarating, dread-inducing) aspects of the end of a relationship is, of course, when you decide it is time to start dating again. Having been with my ex for about four and a half years when we finally called it quits, my dating game is a little dusty, and therefore, my dating tools are rusty as well. Relearning the ins and outs has been smirk-worthy, to say the least and though I have only been dating now for a handful (five or six) months, I do have some stories to share.

I shall share them as they come, because they are too good not to, but I am going to change the names because, well, this is the internet. In 2010. Chances are, they may stumble across the blog.

So a few weeks ago, I met this guy (we'll call him Softie) at The Kennedy School in North Portland. He was from SE Portland, so it was about halfway for both of us and I am a big fan of the McMenamins establishments. I will admit that I met him online on one of those free dating sites that seems to be filled with more fakers than shakers and while he was very nice and we had some witty banter between us, he wasn't quite what I thought he would be. (I really need to stop making so many assumptions based on photos and also to remember that a lot of short men all say they are 5'11". It seems to be the average lying height. Its like all women saying they weigh about 140 on their license when in actuality, its like 180). But we had a few beers and an appetitizer and then he randomly got up from his side of the booth and slid in next to me on my side.

He grabbed my right hand. He slid it into his lap and suddenly I am feeling the unmistakable soft skin of his penis. "Why am I touching your dick?" I ask him.

"I want you to feel how soft it is."

"Its actually quite hard."

"Yeah, but the skin is so soft . . . "

Clearly, he's not getting a second date.

Post dinner, pre-toasts. Mom snapped this pic of me with the bride, my best friend Kate.

So we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of the official wedding photos of Kate and Joe Fernald, which were taken by my dear friend Jim of Semlor Images, but he is an artist and we cannot rush art!

The Winner (for now)

 

 The winner (for now). Due to unexpected sales (and therefore, the selling out of my top two choices), I had to go for another selection. I ordered it a little large, recalling that dresses in the wedding world are sized differently. However, I am holding out hope that since I still have over five weeks and am in the gym nearly 12 hours a week, I won't have to have much done to it. I am not sure what exactly it is about the one shoulder that I love, but I did read somewhere that men love it too and a single gal can't go wrong with that!

ISO - LBD for MOH

     In less than seven weeks, I will be participating in my first wedding, other than my own and the search is on for a knee length, minimal cleavage revealing black dress. The bride decided to let her bridesmaids choose their own dresses, with the two previously mentioned requirements. Being chesty, that second requirement definitely makes things a little more difficult for me. And though this day will most definitely not be about me, I do want to look my best. So the search is on. And so is massive amounts of working out and hitting the WW with religious-like dedication.

So far, these are my favorites (in my price range):
London Times Dress from Macy's
Maggie London Sleeveless from Nordstrom

Both, as you can see if you check the links are slim fitting. Which means absolutely no mercy at the gym. I actually want to look better for this wedding than I did at my own and I think this time, I have the willpower to achieve it.

Oh, did I mention I'm the Maid of Honor in this wedding?

New

 

Sparky 

Just a quick hello before I head downstairs to fix dinner for "The Boy". Been casually seeing someone for the last month or so and its been going very well. Our work schedules don't always match up, but we have been trying to keep Wednesdays as our standard "date night". Kind of strange to be back in the world of dates and such.

I know its been a few months since I last updated and I miserably failed the Love List. I am going to try to stay more on top of things here. Been busy with work, working out (I am hitting the gym 5 days a week now), reading and occasionally spending time with "The Boy". But also, I picked up a fun new toy for my birthday in April- a Nikon D40.  Above is one of the many shots I have taken with it, of our family dog, Sparky.  It is part of a birthday present I am making for my mom. 

 

I am so excited that Blogger finally came out with easy to adjust and manipulate layouts. I tweaked this yesterday to mimick a layout I have loved from years but was never made for Blogger.  

So. . . how are you? 

Music to my ears

Love list # 6, 7, 8 & 9

#6 - Well Written Lyrics

     While I have been told I have a way with words, I am often in awe of those who I feel do it far better than me. Namely, songwriters. Not only do they have to be clever and inventive with their word choice and usage, but they also have to do to music. Having never taken more than a year of recorder lessons in elementary school and a handful of keyboarding classes (before I begged my mom to let me quit), I am not all that talented with music. Sure, I can sing but even reading sheet music is a struggle. Being that I do love a talented twist of the tongue, I find myself often jotting down lyrics that strike me and inspire me. They are commonly used as blog titles too, and journal entry titles in my personal journal too.

     After a while of collecting these lyrics, I found myself wanting to keep them all together, for reflecting and for picking through for said blog titles. I currently have over 22 pages in a notebook of sweet, snarky and silly lines that inspire me.

   Here are some of my favorites:
"I wish I was a fine wine, I wish I were a good drug"

"Don't breathe too deep, don't think all day"

"Saying 'I love you' has nothing to do with meaning it"

"Everybody's favorite girl doesn't fake it anymore"

"Better off, I sparkle on my own."

"The edge of your sword isn't sharp enough for me to bleed"

"This is me before I fall apart"

"You and your glance makes this romance too hot to handle"

"If I wasn't so happy, I wouldn't be so scared of dying"

"If I looked out a different window, would the snow still fall as beautiful?"

"We all need a pantomime to remind us what is real"

    Of course, the words hold only so much weight when they aren't backed by the musical orchestrations and vocal power used to convey them.  The following are two of my favorite groups, who's music are both getting me through a lot of rough spots these days and their lyrics fill the pages of that notebook.

Its the little things you've got to love

Love list #3, 4 and 5

#3 Staying up late- I am a nightowl. I can easily stay up well past 3 am without really realizing it. Sure, I see the time but it generally doesn't register just how late it is until I am finally climbing into bed and calculating how few hours I have until I have to wake up again. Much like saving EVERYTHING, I inherited this from my mother, who she inherited from her mother. We were up until after midnight tonight doing Mom's hair (root touch-up and cut) and as I am going upstairs to "get ready for bed", I hear her get on the phone with Grandma. When unemployed, staying up into unGodly hours becomes a norm for me and a hard habit to break when I return to the land of them employed. If I could regularly function on 4 hours of sleep, I so would. But I am one that generally requires 6 if not 8 hours.

#4 Naps - Hated them when I was little. Love them now. Especially on the sofa, especially after 4pm (which is normally the deadline they say is when you should NEVER nap past or it will hinder your ability to fall asleep that same night) and especially with the television on. Not sure why the tv has to be on, but it does. However, I do hate when I wake up an hour or two later and realize that I have in fact slept away value hours of daylight.

#5 Texting - I am not one to use Text speak. In fact, I tend to use full sentences, proper punctuation and spelling. Mike and I shared 750 minutes of talking on our cell phone plan with unlimited texting. We never went over 400 minutes, but we'd have been screwed if we hadn't had that unlimited package. I used to dream of there some day being a way to share and convey thoughts and feelings in short bursts to friends and family. Just never thought it would be through a phone.

My Not-so-green thumb

Love List:
#2 - Hens and Chicks

As hard as I have tried over the years, I really struggle to keep most plants alive. From bonsai trees to bamboo plants to even hydrangea, I have managed to nearly, if not completely, kill most plants put into my care for longer than a few weeks. The only plants that I have ever had success with are Hens and chicks.

Perhaps I should mention that these plants seem to do the best when they are almost completely left alone. Once rooted, you can water them about once every two weeks and they will do far better than if you preen over them. I should know; I have taken both approaches with them.

I can remember my mother growing them when I was little, as well as mothers of my friends. You plant one and within a few months, it's sprouting babies and then those babies are having babies and before you know it, you have pots spilling over the sides with these rosettes.

It saddens me that I have to greatly condense my collection, as I have spent the last five years growing and proudly showing interested friends my "babies". A number of my mother hens I received from my mother and my father is cringing at the idea that I will be bringing back more pots than I have taken from here in these past years. Sarah, who is also a fan of hens and chicks, will be taking several pots off of my hands, but I am still not all that sure what do with the rest of them.

This was my apartment garden of them back in 2005. It has nearly tripled in size now. I will be so sad to see so much of it go . . . But they are easy to grow and easy to find. Especially easy for me to love.

When somebody knows you well, there's no comfort like that

This picture was shamefully stolen from Sarah of frecklesandfairytales.blogspot.com/ but since its me (and she's my best friend) I really don't think she'll mind. I can easily say that I am only making it through these first days of transition as smoothly as I am thanks to my incredible group of friends. From endless text messages to endearing emails and instant message chats, entirely too many drinks for a Wednesday evening and runaway trips on Sunday afternoons or unexpected support from people I figured had given up on me, I am surrounded by endless support. And I am entirely grateful and thankful.

Since I am now paying for a gym membership, I am trying to make the most of my freetime. Watching less tv, unless I am on an elliptical or treadmill or at least have weights in hand. Trying to read more (a co-worker's sons have lent me their Percy Jackson series and so far, I find them quite delightful!) and write more too. But I'm also trying to work on me more too. And that is not easy.

I told a dear friend Saturday night that my "first and main focus is to get my body, mind, heart and soul all into amazing shape this year". But let me tell you, finding ways to mute your inner critic and increase your personal view of your self-worth is not as easy as one might think. People who seem almost full of themselves I watch with awe now, because I don't know how to be that. I don't know how to not pick myself apart in the mirror.

In an issue of Redbook I was thumbing through a few weeks ago, it suggested you make lists of your life, other than "To Do" lists. Lists like 10 places you would like to go in your life. 15 Things you would like to try. The one that peaked my interest? 20 Things I Love About Myself.

So I tried to do it.

I could only list 17. Three slots sit open and empty. I keep waiting for something else to come to me.

I am mostly settled into my parent's home, which has been easy, but am still spending spare time back at my old house, packing up the last five years of my life, which has been very hard. More than once, I have broken down and sobbed (and for anyone who knows me, knows I don't often cry) and have even gone as far as to suggest to my mom (who took days off of work to help me pack) that we just burn the place down. She quickly dismissed it.

January was for letting go and mourning. February is for regearing and starting to rediscover what it means to be me, now. About to turn 29. About to be single again. March . . . well, I'll determine what March is for once I am a bit closer to it.

February is also for love. And while I may not be able to list 20 things I love about myself, I can come up with 28 people and things I love in my life.

Love list #1 Sarah

I'm starting with Sarah. Love, love, love her! I love her open heart and brilliant mind. She is extraordinarily talented, very ecclectic and entirely unique. Often attempted to be duplicated, but she is the original and those copycats pale in comparison. She knows my soul and hears what I am saying, even if the words never leave my lips. The energy surrounding her is intoxicating and it is no wonder why she is loved and leaned on by so many people. She is the kind of person you want to have in your world. I cannot imagine what my life would be like these days had I not ever met her.

Again, shamefully stolen from her. Hey, she has a MUCH better camera.

Pictures, dishes and socks . . .

   I should be packing right now. I am surrounded by piles - piles to keep, piles to store and piles to get rid of. I should be folding and placing and labeling and closing chapters of my life(such as the chapter of the lacy boy shorts that were never comfortable, yet somehow, I managed to own about twenty pairs of them) but instead, I am avoiding it all with great amounts of self-pity and procrastination.

   He moves out tomorrow. He'll get up, go to work, I'll get up, go to work and when I get off and come home, all of his stuff will be gone and with it, him. No last hug or kiss or even goodbye. And knowing this, I cannot stomach the idea of sleeping in this house one night without him. So theoretically, tonight is also my last night in the house. Our house.

Little Earthquakes

   I have been back and forth for the last week on whether or not I should even blog about the current status of my life. And because I haven't been able to decide, I couldn't seem to find words for anything else either. Instead of faking it, or denying it or avoiding it altogether, I have just kind of put the blogging on pause.

   Ugh.

   This last summer, I became reunited with a dear friend of mine from my sophomore year of high school. One afternoon, while we sat in a sushi restaurant in Portland, we tried our best to get caught up on the past 13 years of our lives that we'd missed out on. When it came time for me to ask him if he had any questions for me, he said, "No. I read your blog. I know everything I need to know."

  Since then, I have been wondering where to draw the line. What to keep posting here and what I should leave for the pages of my paper journal and the ears and shoulders of my friends. In the past, I have felt from time to time that acquaintences knew a bit too much about me because of what I wrote. They spoke to me in a knowing fashion that I wasn't comfortable with, simply because I didn't realize they knew what they knew. Of course, anything that I have written about was something that I felt like sharing. Still, when you are standing face to face with someone who recalls the nasty posts you wrote when you were 23 and still bitter about being dumped by an old boyfriend and decide to take it out on him and his new wife, well . . . where is the delete button when you need it most?

   However, what I am going through right now definitely is shaping and defining maybe rapid changes coming in my life. I only see it as fair to explain here, (because I do intend to try to keep updating more regularly here. I promise!) why these changes are in fact coming.

    My husband and I are separating. Divorcing, actually. Though paperwork has not been drawn up yet, the furniture and (more importantly) the DVD collection have been verbally split and by the end of the month, we will be living under different roofs. In the past week and a half, most of our conversations have been through text messages and the most time we have spent in person, in the same room together would be that one evening we were able to discuss the furniture and DVDs.

    It is a decision that I have been wrestling with for months and an issue that we have been both working on together and separately since the beginning of the fall. While I will provide him and myself with a bit of privacy as to the nature of the demise of our marriage, I will say that things just did not progress in the linear and positive manner that I had hoped it would for us when we took our vows two and a half years ago. Some of the fault is his and some of the fault is mine. I'd like to leave it at that.

    I have struggled through many ideas and feelings that held me captive for a long time. Guilt, for one. Guilt that I am unable to live up to those vows I took. Guilt that my parents paid as much as they did for our wedding. Foolishness, for another. I am a fixer, a mender. I wanted to fix him in ways that he didn't feel he needed to be fixed or wanted to be fixed. Foolish for not noticing things that were or were not happening around me. Fear as well. Fear for jumping back into singlehood, trying to make it in this world alone again (though my amazing circle of friends has not let me feel alone for even a second). Fear that I am ruining the only chance of love or happiness that I have in life. But I haven't been truly happy in a long time.

    The phrase "Fool or Failure" has been ringing in my head since August. A fool if I stay and a failure if I leave. Which is worse? I still haven't completely figured that one out, but I am hoping I can swallow failure and turn it into some other form of success later in life.

   So 2010 has begun as a year of massive and rapid change for me. But I knew that the moment I opened my eyes on January 1st, greeted by Coldplay's "Viva la Vida" on my 7am alarm clock. I am currently finding much comfort from my parents, Emily, Sarah, Kate, the girls at my salon and many other friends and solace in Sugarland, SheDaisy, Lady Antebellum, Crystal Light, sleeping and hour long workouts on the elliptical. I am hoping that come August of this year, I will have transformed my body, my personal outlook on myself and my life and the direction this adulthood is taking me in.

   In some ways, it is a tragedy. And in others, a rebirth, for both of us (though I know right now, that is the last thing he sees it as). But if nothing else, I just hope someday, we'll both be able to look back and smile, even if just faintly, recalling the good times. They are what I'd want us to remember most.

Friday : Brown

Brown proved to be a very easy color for me to find. I had to pull myself back from photographing the empty toilet paper roll in the bathroom at work, it was so prevalent! Here are a few of my favorites:

Sonia Kashuk Makeup brushes. Had them 8 years now and they are still wonderful

 

Clean towels at work

 

Coffee Bean demi-permanent hair color.

 

Courtknee's chopped off locks.

You can see the whole set (including more brown) here 

What's my motivation???

     I suck at low intensity workouts. Well, I mean, it's not official, but I tried to do a fat burning low intensity workout today on the elliptical at the gym and failed to keep my heartrate at the projected rate of 125 bpm. Nope, mine had to be like 155 - 167 the whole time. Ehhh. But I definitely did sweat and it was much easier to stick with it for a longer amount of time. So if I get up early enough tomorrow, I'll head back on over and try the low intensity workout again before my shift at work.

     While shopping yesterday, I tried on some clothes for gifts for me. You know how it is. I've kind of reached the age where there really are no surprises anymore at Christmas and I am okay with that. I would rather get things that I am eyeing than hope I get something worth the same amount that I can return later and get. While trying on these various items, I had to keep in mind that while they may not fit right now, they will most definitely be fitting sooner or later. The last time I lost a decent amount of weight, I got rid of all of my clothes that were size 14, refusing to ever let myself get that big again. I have one option - lose the weight.

    So I use that as motivation, along with the number of other clothing items I have purchased and never worn yet. They are rewards for reaching certain sizes. Rewards for becoming the person on the outside that I feel I should be. That I have always felt I should be. I see pictures from the past that are realistic in how I want to look again and yes, there is a celebrity or two who's shape I wouldn't mind looking more like. Of course, my boobs would probably stay a lot bigger. But these are what gets me to the gym and keeps me from eating things that I will regret later.

    Also, there is the fact that I have at least one, if not two weddings I will be attending next year, one of which I am pretty sure I will be in. And even though it won't be my big day, I don't want to feel like a poor choice for a bridesmaid in any fashion.

    Mostly though, my motivation is the simple fact that I want to finally get myself into the healthy habits I should have embrace YEARS ago, in hopes that I won't be fighting my weight as I have in the past. That Mike and I will both take our health and appearances and teach our (future) children to be active and healthy and not fall into the ruts that we have.

   Back in July, after we moved into the house, I swore off all fast food for a month. Not sure if I succeeded or not. But I decided to do the same for December, and as of today, the 17th, I have not consumed one french fry or chicken nugget and the only "burger" I had was a gardenburger at McMenamins. I know, it's bragging, but I am pretty proud. Even when I was doing the Atkins' diet, I never could give up french fries.

Thursday : Blue

I had quite a bit of luck with blue today.

Two knitting projects . . .  my fingerless gloves and a scarf I am working on.

 

I have a lot of holiday penguin stuff.  A LOT.

 

He needs a nickname. Any suggestions?

 

My cell phone. It only came in blue. I have a love/hate relationship with it.

 

My reward stars for my pathetic weightloss chart. I get a star each day I get my butt to the gym.

 

One of my favorite magnets.

 

Paper towels

 

Aluminum knitting needles.

I noted that there was no purple day in Color Week, which makes me sad, since it's my favorite color. So I am adding a purple day to the end of the week. I welcome you all to join me.

Wednesday : Pink

I'm a bit late getting these posted, but yesterday's shopping trip was exhausting. But here is some pink.

Sweet N' Low packets at Chili's

 

Christmas Cactus in bloom

 

My pink wallet

 

Bleach in a bottle. I should label it bleach, just in case.

 

My first pair of knitting needles ever. I have switched to bamboo now.

 

Downey softener.

A Very Long Day (revisited)

Tomorrow marks the return of my blowout shopping day with Mom. We start early and go go go until we've nearly crossed everything off our lists. We weren't able to do it last year, due to the weather, but two years ago, we had a long, eventful day. I wrote this the following day. I am hoping that tomorrow will be as successful and just as memorable. 

I took the day off with Mom yesterday and we went shopping for our Christmas gifts. This is a pretty accurate reinactment of the day.

1:00 am - I decide that it is probably time to turn off the "Golden Girls" rerun and go to sleep.

6:16 am - alarm goes off as usual and I hit snooze, as usual

6:45 am - finally decide that maybe I should get up and get ready.

6:50 am - Turn on curling iron and proceed to smooth out my still frizzy hair from last night's blow out.

7:03 am - Check the parking lot situation and decide to move my car into one of the empty ones instead of making Mike wake up and switch spots with me.

7:15 am - begin putting on make-up noting that I am spending more time on my appearance than I ever do on a work day

7:33 am - Mom calls to tell me she is on her way

7:41 am - Mom picks me up and hands me a bag of misc items

7:50 am - we are stuck in the same traffic I am always stuck in. For some reason, we thought we'd just zip down to the mall without having to deal with traffic when we first planned this out.

8:15 am - we debate where on 82nd is there a Walmart. I haven't been there much since breaking it off with Jarad, so I don't quite remember things as I used to.

8:25 am - Mom proves to be correct in the location of a Walmart and promptly makes an illegal Left Hand turn into the parking lot

8:40 am - I debate whether or not to get Jasmine a High School Musical Karaoke game that is Playstation 2 compatible. I can imagine my brother-in-law cringing every time he comes home to play and his 6 year old is belting out some wobbly rendition of some song. I can also imagine her getting really good and becoming a professional singer and thanking me, Aunt Betsy for helping her discover her talent all those years ago . . .

8:42 am - I decide that I like having Darrick like me and choose not to buy the game.

8:50 am - I lug a heavy gift out to the car for my mom and keep telling myself that its like working out. Sort of.

8:55 am - We pull into Michael's for supplies for crafts we are working on. Mom goes to hunt for a cookie press and I head to the scrapbook region. I spend way too much time and thought on paper.

9:25 am - We park at Clackamas Towne Center and embark on part one of dealing with a huge Oregon Mall a week before Christmas

10:06 am - I call Mike to make sure he is awake. He doesn't answer.

10:08 am - He calls back, disoriented but still asking how the day is going.

10:15 am - Mom complains about the lack of colors in cufflink dress shirts, because last year, that's how they all came.

10:16 am - I ask Mom if my brother even has cuff links. She doesn't recall. But he had it on his list.

10:30 am - I pay for a fantastic Christmas gift for Mike at a steal of a price. It is already deemed the best deal of the day.

10:31 am - feet are already beginning to hurt and burn from the friction of my crappy socks. I decide I need to buy new socks.

10:45 am - We are on a mission to find three cds - two of which are by artists I have never heard of. None of the stores we stop in have them, but I have time to drool over an Otis Redding collection I really, really want.

11:00 am - I am reminded, yet again, why I hate JC Penny's so much. Stupid Customer Service check out centers. Also, their holiday socks are way too expensive. Also, all their flannel shirts come in ugly colors and only size XL.

11:11 am - I ask a woman in the JC Penny's Sephora if they carry Kiehl's products. I have to pronounce the name three times for her to understand me and then decide that if she doesn't know what I am saying, they obviously don't.

11:25 am - we leave the mall and decide to go lunch.

11:40 am - Our first selection for lunch is not opened for lunchtime.

11:55 am - we are sitting in a booth at Applebee's, debating whether to get a Weight Watcher's meal, or what we really want. Guess what wins?

12:03 pm - call Shonda to find out who we drew for the family gift exchange. Oddly enough, it's the persons I suspected we'd draw.

12:04 pm - Mike text messages me to tell me the name of the people we drew for said gift exchange.

12:09 pm - I devour my turkey sandwich (mmmm chutney . . .)

12:25 pm - we head to Linens and Things and I hope they may have holiday socks.

12:40 pm - They don't.

1:00 pm - We decide to go to Target and Old Navy before heading back to the mall.

1:10 pm - I am immediately drawn to a green cashmere sweater at Old Navy. I don't own cashmere

1:11 pm - I try to point out clothes that I can wear to work to my mom for ideas. I have a tendency to only ever want to dress in velour and comfy clothes. Slacks don't come in velour.

1:20 pm - Mom and I split in the store as I look for gifts for the men in my life (husband, father, brother) and she buys gifts for me, I assume. I search more for socks. They have none that will work.

1:30 pm - I get into line once my mom is done paying, so I won't accidentally see what she is getting. I manage to get in line between two middle aged strangers complaining to each other about the annoying loud music that Old Navy is playing and a young mom with her four and 18 month old children. I can't decide who is more entertaining.

1:40 pm - I pay and get out of line only to realize I was over charged. The line is not even longer than it was when I first got in it.

1:45 pm - I cut in line and get my 9.50 back.

1:49 pm - We move to Target. In the parking lot, I thank the girl who pulled through to the available parking spot in front of mine, so that I too could park. She looks at me like I am thanking her for wearing her hair in a ponytail.

2:00 pm - We wait for the only kid in electronics to help us. I feel badly for him but am ticked that the store doesn't give him more help.

2:02 pm - Waiting for the kid, I watch this woman and her daughter drag him around the department looking for some thing she'd called ahead and asked they hold for her. Mother and daughter are in matching velour jumpsuit and I wonder why Mom and I didn't think to do the same thing.

2:20 pm - Mom ditches our cart after I complain the tenth time about it.

2:23 pm - remembering all we are going to need to get, I go back and get our cart from the aisle we left it in.

2:27 pm - Target does not have any of those cds we are looking for either.

2:35 pm - Mike asks that I pick up coffee, alluding to a comment I'd made the night before about him calling me to pick up coffee around 2 pm on my shopping day.

2:40 pm - Target has cute, decently priced holiday socks! And comfy shoe inserts for good measure.

2:55 pm - we check out and head to the car

3:10 pm - socks and shoes repaired, I am feeling so much better

3:15 pm - We embark on part two of dealing with a huge Oregon Mall a week before Christmas

3:20 pm - Distracted on a tangent, we park at Barnes and Noble so I can show Mom the amazing book we bought for Jasen and Kristi's new daughter we visited the night before.

3:30 pm - We head to the Macy's home store for a couple ideas for gifts. I try to discretely shop for something, but Mom doesn't get the hint when she asks "Where are you?" and I answer "Hiding from you." She is looking, again, for a cookie press. You know, in case the one she bought at Michael's doesn't work.

3:30 pm - Mom drags me to Christopher and Banks and then asks my opinion on various different clothing articles. She disagrees with every one of them.

3:40 pm - My feet start aching again and the only chair in the store is occupied by some old guy. I finally opt to sit on the floor.

3:45 pm - old guy leaves the store with his wife and I take the chair before another old guy who is wandering the store with his wife spies it.

3:50 pm - I see a cute knitted handbag and try it on. It's on sale for $16.71

3:57 pm - As Mom checks out, I announce that I am thirsty and needing water.

4:05 pm - While trying to decide where to get something to drink, I am accosted by a kiosk salesperson. She asks if my hair is naturally curly. When she motions over to her flat irons, I promptly cut her off, assuring her that I do have a very good flat iron and that it is the moisture in the air making my hair look like this. (Also, flat iron is living in my closet now. Do you know how long it would take to iron my entire head??)

4:10 pm - We go to Nordstrom's, use their lounge and then go to their cafe for a cookie and two glasses of water. I down three glasses before my mom gets halfway through her first glass.

4:30 pm - We wander through jewelry and handbags before deciding to go look at the shoes. I have been eyeing a pair of fake UGGs for a couple of months now.

4:40 pm - We are still waiting for one of the six shoe department employees to come help us. I have shoved my foot into a shoe too small in size, just for emphasis. It doesn't feel good.

4:43 pm - Mom goes and asks if anyone can help us. They promptly and apologetically send a guy over.

4:43 pm - I show the salesman the shoes and tell him the size I want to try them on in. He goes to the back and I tell my mom "Watch. I asked for one pair of shoes, he'll come back with at least three. The ones I wanted, the same in another color and a third pair that are similar but made by someone else."

4:45 pm - Sales guy comes back with four pairs of shoes.

4:47 pm - After trying the shoes on in the right size and confirming they are comfy, the sales guy takes off for the cash register before I can indicate to him that I was trying them on so my mom would know what size to get them in, if she decided to buy them.

4:50 pm - Mom buys them and I ask if she plans to wrap them anyway. I already know the answer.

5:00 pm - We decide that we should split up for a bit and determine where and what time to meet back up.

5:03 pm - I am accosted by my second kiosk person and I ignore him completely.

5:08 pm - I walk around Hallmark, looking for something specific. I am asked several times if I need help but decline. What I am searching for should not be hard to find.

5:10 pm - I cannot find what I was looking for and decide to leave. Three stores down the walkway, I decide I should buy Christmas cards for my family while I am shopping. One less trip later. I turn around and return to Hallmark.

5:20 pm - After pouring over cards, everyone I like is $4.99 and that is entirely too expensive for cards. I attempt for find cheaper ones that are as meaningful.

5:24 pm - I realize that Hallmark makes Christmas cards for Mother and Husband but not for Dad and Wife. What kind of crap is that?

5:26 pm - After deciding on cards, I spot the item I had originally gone into the store for.

5:28 pm - Pay too much for cards. Still. And I forget to ask for the seal stickers.

5:29 pm - I realize that I still have 15 minutes before meeting Mom and no where else I need to go. I must wander, with sore feet.

5:35 pm - I walk into Forever Slutty 21 because Kate can find cute things in there. Maybe I can too.

5:38 pm - I can't and leave the store.

5:39 pm - I am accosted by the THIRD kiosk salesman of the day. (I am itching to go off on him, explaining to him that I go to the stores I am interested in shopping at. I don't want the store to come to me. I don't need the lotion or scented muscle relaxing microwave heated beanbag or the nail buffing kit he may have to sell me. But I don't.) I keep walking and ignore him even when he says in an impatient tone "Excuse me!"

5:40 pm - I sit down on a bench near our agreed meeting place and watch the mother and son on the bench next to me. Son is maybe 2, wearing a backpack that looks like a dog riding on the boy's back. It's cute.

5:42 pm - Mom and son's family join them and they all go into Bath and Body Works.

5:43 pm - Dad and son return to the bench and I notice cute doggy backpack also has a leash. For the child.

5:45 pm - Hot guy has walked past my bench three times now. He's not my type, but he is easy on the eyes.

5:50 pm - Mom is a no show and I am getting queasy from the swaying of the upper level land bridge I am sitting on.

5:52 pm - A nap sounds wonderful.

5:53 pm - I spy Mom coming out of the store that was our meeting spot. She didn't see me when she went in and looked for a cookie press. They didn't have one.

5:57 pm - Mom is still on a mission to find a present for her assistant. She informs me she is taking her assistant to lunch tomorrow and has to have a present for her then.

6:05 pm - We wander into Coach because . . . well, why not?

6:10 pm - I realize the only thing I have to wear to a lunch with my friends from high school on Saturday is the same color as what I wore last year and I cannot have that. I attempt to find something in the Juniors department of Macy's.

6:15 pm - Designated boobs holes suck.

6:20 pm - Cheeky Rose the salesgirl asks if I have a Macy's card, which I do. But I want to pay in cash. She keeps pestering me until I put the sweater on my Macy's card and then I immediately pay it off my card. This is why I loathe retail.

6:25 pm - We hit the jewelry department of Macy's looking for a gift. We finally agrees on something.

6:40 P car.< the for head and leave We - pm>

6:50 pm - We realize we are hungry and should eat dinner.

7:00 pm - I am attempting to get into the parking lot of the place we decide to eat. On 82nd, that is not easy.

7:10 pm - We finally park.

7:30 pm - We decide to go to two more stores - another Target for a few items we couldn't find at the first Target (and the coffee I'd forgotten to get Mike) and the Post Office near the airport.

7:40 pm - This Target has a present for Mike I have been looking for, for weeks. I also almost forget the coffee, again.

8:03 pm - We arrive at the Post Office and notice the parking lot is full and the line is nearly out the door. We decide to scrap it and Mom promises to go the following day and get me the stamps I need for the rest of my Christmas cards.

8:25 pm - Mom drops me off at home. I am ready to pass out. But I am nearly done with my shopping and that is a very good feeling.

Tuesday : Green

 Yesterday was a last minute, "Oh crap! I need yellow" collection. Today, I had all day to look for green things around the salon and then at home. I tried to stay away from the Christmas stuff since green is way too much of a given there.

Lindsey's festive mirror

 

American Crew Forming Cream (great for faux hawks)

 

Christmas Cactus baby from my mother's plant (I have another that is blooming, but I show it on the pink day)

 

The lone green pen (but it writes in black!)

 

Courtknee's green green eyes

 

And finally Tiny Tim . . . Mike accidentally broke his legs off a few years ago. I glued them back on with super glue.