Friday, August 27, 2010

Adventures in Dating

One of the most interesting (entertaining, mind-numbing, exhilarating, dread-inducing) aspects of the end of a relationship is, of course, when you decide it is time to start dating again. Having been with my ex for about four and a half years when we finally called it quits, my dating game is a little dusty, and therefore, my dating tools are rusty as well. Relearning the ins and outs has been smirk-worthy, to say the least and though I have only been dating now for a handful (five or six) months, I do have some stories to share.

I shall share them as they come, because they are too good not to, but I am going to change the names because, well, this is the internet. In 2010. Chances are, they may stumble across the blog.

So a few weeks ago, I met this guy (we'll call him Softie) at The Kennedy School in North Portland. He was from SE Portland, so it was about halfway for both of us and I am a big fan of the McMenamins establishments. I will admit that I met him online on one of those free dating sites that seems to be filled with more fakers than shakers and while he was very nice and we had some witty banter between us, he wasn't quite what I thought he would be. (I really need to stop making so many assumptions based on photos and also to remember that a lot of short men all say they are 5'11". It seems to be the average lying height. Its like all women saying they weigh about 140 on their license when in actuality, its like 180). But we had a few beers and an appetitizer and then he randomly got up from his side of the booth and slid in next to me on my side.

He grabbed my right hand. He slid it into his lap and suddenly I am feeling the unmistakable soft skin of his penis. "Why am I touching your dick?" I ask him.

"I want you to feel how soft it is."

"Its actually quite hard."

"Yeah, but the skin is so soft . . . "

Clearly, he's not getting a second date.


  1. OMG!!!- Pardon the abbreviation but ewe.He must have thought the beers were working in his favor. Keep the dating stories coming- its very entertaining and I often wonder if there are any good guys left for my single girl friends. Hope you find your prince ;)