Sunday, August 24, 2008

I'll Get It Where I Can

I know it sounds crazy, but I am pretty sure that is at least one person out there who would like to see me fail in this continual weight loss quest. It's not the first time I have received "interesting" feedback when I was successfully losing weight.

A couple of years ago, when I dropped about thirty pounds, a good friend** of mine kept calling it "just water weight", which I could understand if it were, say, the first ten pounds. But fifteen? Twenty-five pounds? That cannot all be water weight. Then, one day when I was at her house, we were picking outfits for a night on the town when I commented on how much I loved her warped mirror that elongated things. Made me look skinnier than I already was.

"I didn't want to say anything when you got here, because I didn't want to inflate your ego. But you are looking pretty skinny."

And then, a year and a half later, when I saw her again and was losing, she flat out (but playfully) called me a "skinny bitch". The thing is, this friend has always been fairly slender and gorgeous and I was always her thicker friend. She's never really had any issues with her weight, so I wasn't all that sure why my getting thinner would bother her.

Sometimes, when you go and do things for yourself, it forces people to look at their own lives and lifestyles and wonder if there isn't anything they too could be doing to improve themselves. And more often than not, I see, hear and feel that struggle with weight loss. Probably because there are so many people who feel that they could stand to lose five or ten or fifty pounds.

Its strange when you set out on a journey like this and feel like someone is watching, waiting, hoping for you to fail. Its kind of defeating, if you really stop and think about. I mean, why would anyone want someone to fail at something like this? What would they gain from my failure?

It doesn't matter to me though. I let it be motivation and inspiration. When I feel that I am getting lazy or weak or stuck in a rut, I imagine them just grinning at my momentary lapse and I get up and force myself to do what I've thought of avoiding. It's tackling fuel. And all take as much of that as I can, from wherever its going to come from.

** I should mention that at this current time, I am not feeling these vibes from this particular friend. So no one read into that.

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