I suck at low intensity workouts. Well, I mean, it's not official, but I tried to do a fat burning low intensity workout today on the elliptical at the gym and failed to keep my heartrate at the projected rate of 125 bpm. Nope, mine had to be like 155 - 167 the whole time. Ehhh. But I definitely did sweat and it was much easier to stick with it for a longer amount of time. So if I get up early enough tomorrow, I'll head back on over and try the low intensity workout again before my shift at work.
While shopping yesterday, I tried on some clothes for gifts for me. You know how it is. I've kind of reached the age where there really are no surprises anymore at Christmas and I am okay with that. I would rather get things that I am eyeing than hope I get something worth the same amount that I can return later and get. While trying on these various items, I had to keep in mind that while they may not fit right now, they will most definitely be fitting sooner or later. The last time I lost a decent amount of weight, I got rid of all of my clothes that were size 14, refusing to ever let myself get that big again. I have one option - lose the weight.
So I use that as motivation, along with the number of other clothing items I have purchased and never worn yet. They are rewards for reaching certain sizes. Rewards for becoming the person on the outside that I feel I should be. That I have always felt I should be. I see pictures from the past that are realistic in how I want to look again and yes, there is a celebrity or two who's shape I wouldn't mind looking more like. Of course, my boobs would probably stay a lot bigger. But these are what gets me to the gym and keeps me from eating things that I will regret later.
Also, there is the fact that I have at least one, if not two weddings I will be attending next year, one of which I am pretty sure I will be in. And even though it won't be my big day, I don't want to feel like a poor choice for a bridesmaid in any fashion.
Mostly though, my motivation is the simple fact that I want to finally get myself into the healthy habits I should have embrace YEARS ago, in hopes that I won't be fighting my weight as I have in the past. That Mike and I will both take our health and appearances and teach our (future) children to be active and healthy and not fall into the ruts that we have.
Back in July, after we moved into the house, I swore off all fast food for a month. Not sure if I succeeded or not. But I decided to do the same for December, and as of today, the 17th, I have not consumed one french fry or chicken nugget and the only "burger" I had was a gardenburger at McMenamins. I know, it's bragging, but I am pretty proud. Even when I was doing the Atkins' diet, I never could give up french fries.
Showing posts with label scale tales. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scale tales. Show all posts
Friday, December 18, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Nothing tastes as good as skinny will feel
As much as I love food, I hate grocery shopping. Mostly because I am trapped in a building filled with other people, who like me, are on their own missions to collect their own choices of sustenance and entirely oblivious to everyone else around them. Namely, me. Then, there is also the facts that despite my shopping at Winco, I still find I spend at least $40 a week on groceries and every week, I find that I have to go back. Again.
Mike seems to think because I enjoy clothes shopping and book shopping and craft store shopping, I must enjoy grocery shopping too. Such a man.
My grandmother, in fact, loves grocery shopping. We can drop her off and swing back by three hours later and she is only then finishing up, having just enjoyed the last 180 minutes of her life as much as I would enjoy an extended version of any movie with Ryan Reynolds and his shirtless abs. If I had the money to, I would pay her to do my grocery shopping for me.
So yesterday (Thursday) was my day off and naturally, my day to do the dirty deed. I was rounding the last corner of the store on my typical route to the checkout stand and then freedom when I passed the dreaded Little Debbie endcap. With her holiday cakes shaped like Christmas trees and chocolate Christmas trees. Only $1.48 a box! Tasty! Yummy! Disaster waiting to happen!
See, I know how this all works. I have been faithfully going to the gym for the past month, been working out, doing both weights and cardio and stretching as my personal trainer/husband tells me to and yet, I have not seen the scale move much. I've been maintaining this weight because despite my best efforts at the gym, I have been eating whatever I wanted outside of it. And like anyone who is trying to lose weight, 70% of weight loss is diet.
Slowly cruising past that end cap, trying my best not to imagine what those Little Debbie cakes tasted like, I remembered Kate Moss's infamous admission that her life motto is "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". Granted, I don't want to look like Kate Moss. I like my curves. But I hate the ridiculous things I go through now in an attempt to feel okay with how I look whenever I am going out. I hate how I look in most of my clothes and I especially am miserable with the fact that I have a number of items in my closet that still have tags on them, because I have sworn to myself that I will not wear them, not even once, until I am 10 (20, 30, 40) pounds ligther than I currently am. So I repeated that to myself as I continued towards check out.
I continued to repeat that mantra as I drove home, made myself lunch and did my best to be satisfied with the salad I had, sans a dessert of Little Debbie.
Think those treats would be as tempting if they were by a company called "Big Debbie"?
It is comforting to go to work and know that I am not the only one who is trying to slim their figure and look better for the coming year. Three of my co-workers are currently on week one of the HCG diet (which involves consuming only 500 calories a day and injecting yourself daily with HCG, which comes from pregnant women's urine) and while watching them shed pounds is envy-invoking, I know that I would be a raging bitch if I only ate 500 calories a day. I'll stick to my WW and my points. But there are fewer snacks laying around the back room and more healthy choices to be had.
We all want to feel skinny. Its time to take the right steps towards being so.
Mike seems to think because I enjoy clothes shopping and book shopping and craft store shopping, I must enjoy grocery shopping too. Such a man.
My grandmother, in fact, loves grocery shopping. We can drop her off and swing back by three hours later and she is only then finishing up, having just enjoyed the last 180 minutes of her life as much as I would enjoy an extended version of any movie with Ryan Reynolds and his shirtless abs. If I had the money to, I would pay her to do my grocery shopping for me.
So yesterday (Thursday) was my day off and naturally, my day to do the dirty deed. I was rounding the last corner of the store on my typical route to the checkout stand and then freedom when I passed the dreaded Little Debbie endcap. With her holiday cakes shaped like Christmas trees and chocolate Christmas trees. Only $1.48 a box! Tasty! Yummy! Disaster waiting to happen!
See, I know how this all works. I have been faithfully going to the gym for the past month, been working out, doing both weights and cardio and stretching as my personal trainer/husband tells me to and yet, I have not seen the scale move much. I've been maintaining this weight because despite my best efforts at the gym, I have been eating whatever I wanted outside of it. And like anyone who is trying to lose weight, 70% of weight loss is diet.
Slowly cruising past that end cap, trying my best not to imagine what those Little Debbie cakes tasted like, I remembered Kate Moss's infamous admission that her life motto is "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". Granted, I don't want to look like Kate Moss. I like my curves. But I hate the ridiculous things I go through now in an attempt to feel okay with how I look whenever I am going out. I hate how I look in most of my clothes and I especially am miserable with the fact that I have a number of items in my closet that still have tags on them, because I have sworn to myself that I will not wear them, not even once, until I am 10 (20, 30, 40) pounds ligther than I currently am. So I repeated that to myself as I continued towards check out.
I continued to repeat that mantra as I drove home, made myself lunch and did my best to be satisfied with the salad I had, sans a dessert of Little Debbie.
Think those treats would be as tempting if they were by a company called "Big Debbie"?
It is comforting to go to work and know that I am not the only one who is trying to slim their figure and look better for the coming year. Three of my co-workers are currently on week one of the HCG diet (which involves consuming only 500 calories a day and injecting yourself daily with HCG, which comes from pregnant women's urine) and while watching them shed pounds is envy-invoking, I know that I would be a raging bitch if I only ate 500 calories a day. I'll stick to my WW and my points. But there are fewer snacks laying around the back room and more healthy choices to be had.
We all want to feel skinny. Its time to take the right steps towards being so.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
WWBHMMD?
Everytime I get climb onto the elliptical (which is becoming more and more frequent as I have grown bored of the treadmill) I hit a wall at some point. A moment when I just want to give up. A moment when I start to barter with myself, telling myself if I can make to a certain time or the end of the current song, then I'll quit. Usually by the time I reach that goal, I keep pushing on to a new goal. Its all about baby steps.
But then there are the walls that seem bigger, thicker and far more difficult to climb up. And that is when WWBHMMD goes through my head. What would Bob Harper (from the Biggest Loser) make me do? What would he say at my pathetic time, speed, lack of flexibility?
I am notorious for being one of those people who always is eating while watching TBL. Why? Why do we all sit and eat while we watch people achieving their weightloss goals on tv? I can't say, but I know I am not alone. I just take comfort in the fact that the worst thing I ate tonight was hummus.
I have decided my goal is to reach my personal ideal body size, weight, shape and toning by my 30th birthday. April 24, 2011, I will be exactly what I want to look like. I plan on a Dirty Thirty trip to Vegas or somewhere equally as sinful and delicious and I will look smoking hot while there.
Its a long road, but I have allotted myself enough time to achieve it in a reasonable amount of time.
But then there are the walls that seem bigger, thicker and far more difficult to climb up. And that is when WWBHMMD goes through my head. What would Bob Harper (from the Biggest Loser) make me do? What would he say at my pathetic time, speed, lack of flexibility?
I am notorious for being one of those people who always is eating while watching TBL. Why? Why do we all sit and eat while we watch people achieving their weightloss goals on tv? I can't say, but I know I am not alone. I just take comfort in the fact that the worst thing I ate tonight was hummus.
I have decided my goal is to reach my personal ideal body size, weight, shape and toning by my 30th birthday. April 24, 2011, I will be exactly what I want to look like. I plan on a Dirty Thirty trip to Vegas or somewhere equally as sinful and delicious and I will look smoking hot while there.
Its a long road, but I have allotted myself enough time to achieve it in a reasonable amount of time.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Week 2 (That week that would not end)
I am thrilled to announce that I was able to step up my game for Week 2, losing 4.8 lbs this week. But it definitely was not without sacrifice. A seven day in a row work week left me stressed and stress at work led to much more purposeful workouts at the gym. Remember, I am doing the 100 day workout challenge and am now 22 days down. It takes 21 days to form a habit, so I would say that habit is good and formed by now.
So a total of 8.4 lbs down. Only two more lbs until I am in my Lifetime WW range, which means once I am in that range, I no longer have to pay (yay! yay! yay!). So my goal for next week is another week of loss somewhere between W1 and W2 to secure that I am free from here on out.
How are you doing, my fellow dieters??
So a total of 8.4 lbs down. Only two more lbs until I am in my Lifetime WW range, which means once I am in that range, I no longer have to pay (yay! yay! yay!). So my goal for next week is another week of loss somewhere between W1 and W2 to secure that I am free from here on out.
How are you doing, my fellow dieters??
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Week by Week
When you start WW for the first time, or start back after a period of time of being entirely off the diet, you tend to have a couple of really good weeks of loss. Say the first week you come and sign up is "Week 0". You weigh in for your starting weight and go from there. Last week was my "Week 0". Today was my weigh in for "Week 1".
The first time I did WW in 2005, my W1 weigh in was -4 pounds. I lost 4 pounds in that first week, without exercise or even a scale in my apartment to keep me on task. My W2 weigh in in 2005 was -5 pounds. I lost 9 lbs in two weeks. Healthily. Smartly. Easily. I have restarted WW probably two or three times since 2005 and have NEVER had that impressive of a W1 and W2 loss.
Tonight, I thought I might be down 2 lbs, just because I have been working out daily. In conjunction with WW, I am still doing the 100 days of workouts and I know that has to be turning some of my flab a bit more muscular, right? So though I knew my 2 lbs would not be as inspiring and impressive as 4 or 5 or 6 lbs was in 2005, it was a step in the right direction. As long as every step I take is in that direction, I can live with the results.
So weighing in 3.6 lbs lighter tonight was a delightful surprise. Mom's loss was bigger and when asked during the meeting what she did right this week, she responded "Everything." I love how confident she is. But truly, she did do everything right. Worked out, tracked every bite she took all week and drank all her water. When we met for soup and salad at Applebee's yesterday, she opted for soda instead of water (even though WW now considers soda as hydrating as water). She was better than I was. So I need to step it up for a more lucrative W2 weigh in.
Fifteen days done in the 100 day challenge. It feels good to finish the workout. It feels good to push myself a little further, a little harder, a little longer. It feels good to put a foil star on the calendar for the day once I have finished it.
I like feeling good.
The first time I did WW in 2005, my W1 weigh in was -4 pounds. I lost 4 pounds in that first week, without exercise or even a scale in my apartment to keep me on task. My W2 weigh in in 2005 was -5 pounds. I lost 9 lbs in two weeks. Healthily. Smartly. Easily. I have restarted WW probably two or three times since 2005 and have NEVER had that impressive of a W1 and W2 loss.
Tonight, I thought I might be down 2 lbs, just because I have been working out daily. In conjunction with WW, I am still doing the 100 days of workouts and I know that has to be turning some of my flab a bit more muscular, right? So though I knew my 2 lbs would not be as inspiring and impressive as 4 or 5 or 6 lbs was in 2005, it was a step in the right direction. As long as every step I take is in that direction, I can live with the results.
So weighing in 3.6 lbs lighter tonight was a delightful surprise. Mom's loss was bigger and when asked during the meeting what she did right this week, she responded "Everything." I love how confident she is. But truly, she did do everything right. Worked out, tracked every bite she took all week and drank all her water. When we met for soup and salad at Applebee's yesterday, she opted for soda instead of water (even though WW now considers soda as hydrating as water). She was better than I was. So I need to step it up for a more lucrative W2 weigh in.
Fifteen days done in the 100 day challenge. It feels good to finish the workout. It feels good to push myself a little further, a little harder, a little longer. It feels good to put a foil star on the calendar for the day once I have finished it.
I like feeling good.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Checking in
Just so you know, an entire bag of JollyTime 94% fat free kettle corn popcorn is 2 points. 2!!!
On the other hand, eight large marshmallows are 4 points.
It's all about priorities, folks. Wants, desires, priorities and goals. Rewards, too.
Mom and I rejoined Weight Watchers this week. Started new books and weighed in for our beginning weights and everything. I have completed 10 days of my 100 day workout challenge and though I haven't really been able to see/feel/tell much of a change myself, but bias and non-bias persons alike have mentioned noticing a change. Perhaps it will take a few more weeks for me to see it myself.
How are you all doing? Weight losses? Successes?
P.S. Still totally working on the novel and will be posting a few more chapters soon. Life kind of got in the way there for a few weeks, but I'm back and it will be again soon too.
Monday, April 27, 2009
One step at a time
You know what isn't a grand idea? Attempting to buckle down on a diet/workout plan less than two weeks before your birthday. It never works, because your birthday comes rolling in and friends make you cupcakes and buy you alcohol and bring hoards of delicious munchies to a party where all you want is to munch and drink and eat cupcakes.
When I started Weight Watchers for the first time, it was the Monday after my birthday. All the cake and treats were gone and it was time to set aside foolish notions like the idea that I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want in whatever size portions I want them in. No one should eat that way and I continually have to reteach myself that.
I had been doing fairly well in the food department leading up to last weekend, so I just need to get the last of the crap out of the house and buckle down again. Gonna save that $15 dollar iTunes card I got for my birthday as a weight loss reward for new gym music.
How are you doing with your weightloss? Anyone got any tips?
When I started Weight Watchers for the first time, it was the Monday after my birthday. All the cake and treats were gone and it was time to set aside foolish notions like the idea that I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want in whatever size portions I want them in. No one should eat that way and I continually have to reteach myself that.
I had been doing fairly well in the food department leading up to last weekend, so I just need to get the last of the crap out of the house and buckle down again. Gonna save that $15 dollar iTunes card I got for my birthday as a weight loss reward for new gym music.
How are you doing with your weightloss? Anyone got any tips?
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Quarterly "Still Fat and Hating It" Post
There is something about Easter that always makes me ready for another round in the boxing ring with my weight. Perhaps it is the two dozen hardboiled dyed eggs that are stinking up the fridge (so tasty though, and healthy if you don't eat the yoke). Perhaps it is the crap load of sugar and candy I managed to consume this weekend despite the fact I am not a child. I spent twenty minutes last night attempting to floss, brush and powerwash as much of said sugar out from between my teeth.
Stress and winter have both been fun little factors, as they always are, in the tango I dance with my weight. Where I should have been using the treadmill as a coping mechanism, I turned to my fingernails instead and while I can at least say I haven't reached my top weight again, I'm am closer to it then I would like to be.
The Biggest Loser competition is still going strong at work. Well, it was originally supposed to be Jan 8 - Mar 8, then it got bumped to May 8 and now we are all admitting that we need more time, so the deadline has been postponed to July. But I know that by that point, I will be much further down the scale. I've done it before and I can do it again.
So it all starts today. The water. The regimented walking and points and being on board with it all. I have too many cute clothes for summer that I want to fit into. And a 10 year reunion I want to attend being as healthy as I can be.
Yes, the weekly photos will start again, though I won't be posting all of them. Just monthly comparisons. I need all the motivation I can get. So here are the disgustingly true numbers. Current weight= 176.5 Current BMI= 28. My goal weight is 140 and my goal BMI is between 20-25
My measurements as of 4/13/2009
Bust - 43 1/2 inches
Chest - 36
Waist - 41 1/2
Hips - 41 1/2
Thighs - 24
Arms - 13
Neck - 15
Now I know I cannot be the only one out there who is feeling bigger than they want to be. So who's going to join me and make 2009 the year we finally cut the weight for good? I'm doing it, regardless, but it would be great to have support. As the weather gets nicer, maybe have a walking buddy or two?
Who's with me? Who wants to get skinny and hot and sassy for summer??
Stress and winter have both been fun little factors, as they always are, in the tango I dance with my weight. Where I should have been using the treadmill as a coping mechanism, I turned to my fingernails instead and while I can at least say I haven't reached my top weight again, I'm am closer to it then I would like to be.
The Biggest Loser competition is still going strong at work. Well, it was originally supposed to be Jan 8 - Mar 8, then it got bumped to May 8 and now we are all admitting that we need more time, so the deadline has been postponed to July. But I know that by that point, I will be much further down the scale. I've done it before and I can do it again.
So it all starts today. The water. The regimented walking and points and being on board with it all. I have too many cute clothes for summer that I want to fit into. And a 10 year reunion I want to attend being as healthy as I can be.
Yes, the weekly photos will start again, though I won't be posting all of them. Just monthly comparisons. I need all the motivation I can get. So here are the disgustingly true numbers. Current weight= 176.5 Current BMI= 28. My goal weight is 140 and my goal BMI is between 20-25
My measurements as of 4/13/2009
Bust - 43 1/2 inches
Chest - 36
Waist - 41 1/2
Hips - 41 1/2
Thighs - 24
Arms - 13
Neck - 15
Now I know I cannot be the only one out there who is feeling bigger than they want to be. So who's going to join me and make 2009 the year we finally cut the weight for good? I'm doing it, regardless, but it would be great to have support. As the weather gets nicer, maybe have a walking buddy or two?
Who's with me? Who wants to get skinny and hot and sassy for summer??
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Handwritten Journal Excerpt
August 29th, 2008
It definitely is a drug - losing weight. I can see where eating disorderists get their buzz from. Being strong and not giving into cravings and then seeing the number on the scale get smaller is so validating. Yes, it was hard to turn down the Krispy Kreme doughnuts everyone was passing around this morning, but how many of those people will be a size smaller on Columbus day? Oh yeah . . . . I go to bed each night looking forward to weighing in the next morning. I love all the little places I am tracking this daily process - each day writing the numbers down. I am understanding why eating all those points is so important and I feel I am getting a more even, consistent loss because of it. Combined with regular workouts (something too terribly new to act like any kind of a veteran over.) I know reaching and maintaining my goal is reasonable and a reality to reach for me.
I was hardly ever a person to compare my body shape and size to friends of entirely different proportions. I never expect to be a 4 or 2, a small. An A cup. Able to shop in tween sections for myself. I'll never see specific bones sticking out and that's okay. I'm okay with that. I just want to look like a leaner, more toned and radiant me. I want to try on and wear clothes that have been too tight or small for too long.
I have come to grips with a number of aspects of my life - how much money I'll ultimately make, how few of my friends will ever envy my life or desire its generic simplicity. How much of a let down my not finishing my English degree was. But one of the grew things about myself I ever allow myself to feel inferior about is how slendor or thick I am and how poorly I look in my clothing in comparison to others.If I could just reach my personal weight goal (which to be honest I have not done since I was 15) I know that insecurity woul be muted.
Looking at my mother, my aunt, my grandmother ( and honestly, a huge number of the women in today's society) I know my weight is a possible battle I'll fight a large chunk of my life. I coul definitely curb that battle if I keep the portion control up as well as the exercise.
It definitely is a drug - losing weight. I can see where eating disorderists get their buzz from. Being strong and not giving into cravings and then seeing the number on the scale get smaller is so validating. Yes, it was hard to turn down the Krispy Kreme doughnuts everyone was passing around this morning, but how many of those people will be a size smaller on Columbus day? Oh yeah . . . . I go to bed each night looking forward to weighing in the next morning. I love all the little places I am tracking this daily process - each day writing the numbers down. I am understanding why eating all those points is so important and I feel I am getting a more even, consistent loss because of it. Combined with regular workouts (something too terribly new to act like any kind of a veteran over.) I know reaching and maintaining my goal is reasonable and a reality to reach for me.
I was hardly ever a person to compare my body shape and size to friends of entirely different proportions. I never expect to be a 4 or 2, a small. An A cup. Able to shop in tween sections for myself. I'll never see specific bones sticking out and that's okay. I'm okay with that. I just want to look like a leaner, more toned and radiant me. I want to try on and wear clothes that have been too tight or small for too long.
I have come to grips with a number of aspects of my life - how much money I'll ultimately make, how few of my friends will ever envy my life or desire its generic simplicity. How much of a let down my not finishing my English degree was. But one of the grew things about myself I ever allow myself to feel inferior about is how slendor or thick I am and how poorly I look in my clothing in comparison to others.If I could just reach my personal weight goal (which to be honest I have not done since I was 15) I know that insecurity woul be muted.
Looking at my mother, my aunt, my grandmother ( and honestly, a huge number of the women in today's society) I know my weight is a possible battle I'll fight a large chunk of my life. I coul definitely curb that battle if I keep the portion control up as well as the exercise.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
All kinds of awesome
Leave it to me to extend an offer to a favorite blogger of mine and have her, in turn, mention/link me on her page the very day after I post an entry with pictures of me in my underwear. Sweet. I am all different shades of red right now.
It took a lot of guts to post those pictures, partially because I am not done and therefore, not entirely satisfied with the current results and partially because I know there are certain avid blog readers/stalkers out there who are looking for every detail they can tear me down with. Schadenfreude, folks. I've been more careful what rolls off my tongue these days for reasons like that.
But I am proud of what I've taken off so far and look forward to seeing how much further I can go by the holiday season.
As for school, I have 7 weeks left until I have completed my hours and take my boards and become a licensed cosmetologist. Last week, I did my mom's hair and gave her a new hair cut as well as my best friend Kate coming in last Saturday and I weaved highlights in for her. It was no different than any of our other customers who have come in, but it feels so different. For one, these are my dear loved ones. If I manage to royally screw up their hair, I'll know how unhappy they are with it and it would be a long time before I forgave myself or they let me touch it again. For two, if they love their hair, they are going to be more likely to spread my name and this is how I build my business post-graduation.
Tonight . . . we tipped Mike's hair. He asked for it himself.
It took a lot of guts to post those pictures, partially because I am not done and therefore, not entirely satisfied with the current results and partially because I know there are certain avid blog readers/stalkers out there who are looking for every detail they can tear me down with. Schadenfreude, folks. I've been more careful what rolls off my tongue these days for reasons like that.
But I am proud of what I've taken off so far and look forward to seeing how much further I can go by the holiday season.
As for school, I have 7 weeks left until I have completed my hours and take my boards and become a licensed cosmetologist. Last week, I did my mom's hair and gave her a new hair cut as well as my best friend Kate coming in last Saturday and I weaved highlights in for her. It was no different than any of our other customers who have come in, but it feels so different. For one, these are my dear loved ones. If I manage to royally screw up their hair, I'll know how unhappy they are with it and it would be a long time before I forgave myself or they let me touch it again. For two, if they love their hair, they are going to be more likely to spread my name and this is how I build my business post-graduation.
Tonight . . . we tipped Mike's hair. He asked for it himself.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
So far, so good
Week 0: July 31st
Week 8: September 25th
It's not even to the halfway point, yet, but it's pretty neat to see what's changed so far.
(Good God! I need to go clean my bathroom mirror!)
Week 8: September 25th
It's not even to the halfway point, yet, but it's pretty neat to see what's changed so far.
(Good God! I need to go clean my bathroom mirror!)
Monday, September 1, 2008
The Little Things
You know what one of the smallest but most motivating things that can happen when you are trying to lose weight is? When someone you don't see often, or perhaps, do see often, but are unaware of the fact that you are doing this whole thing, mentions that you are looking good. Thinner. Skinny. I had that happen twice this week and it just boosted me a little higher. Pushed me a little harder on the treadmill. Made me look a little more closely in the mirror to see if I actually was seeing anything yet.
I honestly can't see it in the mirror. So I take a picture every week of myself at the same time, in the same outfit and then I upload it to a collection on the computer. Sure enough, you can see it. Yet, I still look forward to more noticable signs than photos I have to flip back and forth between to see.
I tried on those size smaller jeans I got for my birthday yesterday. They fit better than the last time I tried them on, but I still feel I should wait another five pounds before attempting to wear them out of the house. Which stinks, because my jeans right now are too big . . . they look baggy and sloppy and that is not my style. But that is the price we pay.
Mom got both Mike and I tshirts from Seneca Lake and of course, Mike was living in his within an hour. But mine was a ladies tshirt (you know, the ones that are cut to actually look good on women? The regular kind tent of the chest and just make us look square?) that I didn't have the nerve to even try on. So I hung it up and kind of forgot about it. Yup . . . put it on today and it fit like a glove. Small victory.
One of the items on my to do list tomorrow is to clean out the bigger clothes that need to be removed from my wardrobe permanently. If I don't have them to slip back into if I start to feel like splurging too much.
I honestly can't see it in the mirror. So I take a picture every week of myself at the same time, in the same outfit and then I upload it to a collection on the computer. Sure enough, you can see it. Yet, I still look forward to more noticable signs than photos I have to flip back and forth between to see.
I tried on those size smaller jeans I got for my birthday yesterday. They fit better than the last time I tried them on, but I still feel I should wait another five pounds before attempting to wear them out of the house. Which stinks, because my jeans right now are too big . . . they look baggy and sloppy and that is not my style. But that is the price we pay.
Mom got both Mike and I tshirts from Seneca Lake and of course, Mike was living in his within an hour. But mine was a ladies tshirt (you know, the ones that are cut to actually look good on women? The regular kind tent of the chest and just make us look square?) that I didn't have the nerve to even try on. So I hung it up and kind of forgot about it. Yup . . . put it on today and it fit like a glove. Small victory.
One of the items on my to do list tomorrow is to clean out the bigger clothes that need to be removed from my wardrobe permanently. If I don't have them to slip back into if I start to feel like splurging too much.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I'll Get It Where I Can
I know it sounds crazy, but I am pretty sure that is at least one person out there who would like to see me fail in this continual weight loss quest. It's not the first time I have received "interesting" feedback when I was successfully losing weight.
A couple of years ago, when I dropped about thirty pounds, a good friend** of mine kept calling it "just water weight", which I could understand if it were, say, the first ten pounds. But fifteen? Twenty-five pounds? That cannot all be water weight. Then, one day when I was at her house, we were picking outfits for a night on the town when I commented on how much I loved her warped mirror that elongated things. Made me look skinnier than I already was.
"I didn't want to say anything when you got here, because I didn't want to inflate your ego. But you are looking pretty skinny."
And then, a year and a half later, when I saw her again and was losing, she flat out (but playfully) called me a "skinny bitch". The thing is, this friend has always been fairly slender and gorgeous and I was always her thicker friend. She's never really had any issues with her weight, so I wasn't all that sure why my getting thinner would bother her.
Sometimes, when you go and do things for yourself, it forces people to look at their own lives and lifestyles and wonder if there isn't anything they too could be doing to improve themselves. And more often than not, I see, hear and feel that struggle with weight loss. Probably because there are so many people who feel that they could stand to lose five or ten or fifty pounds.
Its strange when you set out on a journey like this and feel like someone is watching, waiting, hoping for you to fail. Its kind of defeating, if you really stop and think about. I mean, why would anyone want someone to fail at something like this? What would they gain from my failure?
It doesn't matter to me though. I let it be motivation and inspiration. When I feel that I am getting lazy or weak or stuck in a rut, I imagine them just grinning at my momentary lapse and I get up and force myself to do what I've thought of avoiding. It's tackling fuel. And all take as much of that as I can, from wherever its going to come from.
** I should mention that at this current time, I am not feeling these vibes from this particular friend. So no one read into that.
A couple of years ago, when I dropped about thirty pounds, a good friend** of mine kept calling it "just water weight", which I could understand if it were, say, the first ten pounds. But fifteen? Twenty-five pounds? That cannot all be water weight. Then, one day when I was at her house, we were picking outfits for a night on the town when I commented on how much I loved her warped mirror that elongated things. Made me look skinnier than I already was.
"I didn't want to say anything when you got here, because I didn't want to inflate your ego. But you are looking pretty skinny."
And then, a year and a half later, when I saw her again and was losing, she flat out (but playfully) called me a "skinny bitch". The thing is, this friend has always been fairly slender and gorgeous and I was always her thicker friend. She's never really had any issues with her weight, so I wasn't all that sure why my getting thinner would bother her.
Sometimes, when you go and do things for yourself, it forces people to look at their own lives and lifestyles and wonder if there isn't anything they too could be doing to improve themselves. And more often than not, I see, hear and feel that struggle with weight loss. Probably because there are so many people who feel that they could stand to lose five or ten or fifty pounds.
Its strange when you set out on a journey like this and feel like someone is watching, waiting, hoping for you to fail. Its kind of defeating, if you really stop and think about. I mean, why would anyone want someone to fail at something like this? What would they gain from my failure?
It doesn't matter to me though. I let it be motivation and inspiration. When I feel that I am getting lazy or weak or stuck in a rut, I imagine them just grinning at my momentary lapse and I get up and force myself to do what I've thought of avoiding. It's tackling fuel. And all take as much of that as I can, from wherever its going to come from.
** I should mention that at this current time, I am not feeling these vibes from this particular friend. So no one read into that.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Verbal Weigh-in
Ahh . . . week two is done and my weight is down, though for now it is still just a recovery mission as I attempt to repair the damage the summer has brought with it's bbq's and boozy goodness. I continue to amp up the exercise and feel myself being more energized throughout the length of the workout. It's kind of crazy that I am becoming this girl who looks forward to workouts and salads and Gardenburgers. Not because they are "diet" things, because this isn't a diet. It's a lifestyle change. And each time I attempt to change it, a little more sticks.
I tried on that pair of jeans my mom got me for my birthday that still have the tags on them. I was a bit depressed when I couldn't get them buttoned without muffin top spilling over, but they were buttoned and when I stopped and looked at the tag, I saw they were a size smaller than I thought they were. So technically, I can fit into size 10's, but it ain't a pretty sight. We'll try those again in ten pounds and see if there are better results.
The weekends are the hardest, when I have time on my hands and the kitchen seven feet away. Oh, and a husband who likes meat and potato meals. Like tonight's Meat Loaf and smashed potatoes. But after using the hand WW online tool for recipe building (and recipe points breakdown), I opted to drop the number of points per serving for our Meatloaf recipe for Turkey and even Mr. Meat and Potatoes himself liked it.
Now I just need to get him turned onto Gardenburgers. They really are delicious.
I tried on that pair of jeans my mom got me for my birthday that still have the tags on them. I was a bit depressed when I couldn't get them buttoned without muffin top spilling over, but they were buttoned and when I stopped and looked at the tag, I saw they were a size smaller than I thought they were. So technically, I can fit into size 10's, but it ain't a pretty sight. We'll try those again in ten pounds and see if there are better results.
The weekends are the hardest, when I have time on my hands and the kitchen seven feet away. Oh, and a husband who likes meat and potato meals. Like tonight's Meat Loaf and smashed potatoes. But after using the hand WW online tool for recipe building (and recipe points breakdown), I opted to drop the number of points per serving for our Meatloaf recipe for Turkey and even Mr. Meat and Potatoes himself liked it.
Now I just need to get him turned onto Gardenburgers. They really are delicious.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Tales from the treadmill
It was a unique experience tonight to be the one on the treadmill who was exerting more energy. I got home from school about 8:30 and immediately changed and headed over to the gym to workout. The lights were pretty dim in the gym, so I assumed that no one else was in there, but as I walked in, I was greeted with the eyes and cautious smile of another girl my age walking on my favorite treadmill (really - does it matter? There are only two.). She was strolling and talking on the phone, so I just smiled back and took the other treadmill and started up my gym mix on the iPod.
I had to turn the music up loud enough to mostly drown her out, because I didn't really want to eavesdrop on her conversation (I'm not that kind of girl). It's strange, but having her there made me push myself a little harder, not because I wanted to beat her, but just because someone else was there.
She chatted for awhile and then finally finished up her convo and then pulled open her novel, never really increasing her treadmill.
Yeah. Boring story. But it did make me feel good that I was practically speed walking (a la that Comcast commerical) in next to her. Usually I am the tortoise and everyone else is the hare. Also, I've shaved a minute and a half off of my time!
So . . . just wondering if anyone else has accidentally put an iPod through the wash? I did it last night to Mike's and we are hoping now to see some kind of life in the thing. A few girls at school had promising, similar stories of MP3 players and cellphones that went swimming and returned to the living. I just feel so bad. This is exactly why we don't do each other's laundry. Sad face.
I had to turn the music up loud enough to mostly drown her out, because I didn't really want to eavesdrop on her conversation (I'm not that kind of girl). It's strange, but having her there made me push myself a little harder, not because I wanted to beat her, but just because someone else was there.
She chatted for awhile and then finally finished up her convo and then pulled open her novel, never really increasing her treadmill.
Yeah. Boring story. But it did make me feel good that I was practically speed walking (a la that Comcast commerical) in next to her. Usually I am the tortoise and everyone else is the hare. Also, I've shaved a minute and a half off of my time!
So . . . just wondering if anyone else has accidentally put an iPod through the wash? I did it last night to Mike's and we are hoping now to see some kind of life in the thing. A few girls at school had promising, similar stories of MP3 players and cellphones that went swimming and returned to the living. I just feel so bad. This is exactly why we don't do each other's laundry. Sad face.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Looking forward, looking back
Week one is done, with a sigh of relief and optimism. I stayed within my daily points everyday except for Friday, which was the night of Rondi's birthday party and I feel good about it all. I have spent all week finding healthy alternatives to the meals I made Mike (like an eggwhite omelet and slice of toast to his pancakes and scramby eggs this morning) and can proudly say there is an impressive loss this week.
Tomorrow Mom and I will meet up and spend our day together, starting with our official weekly weigh ins and a good walk somewhere, whether it be the waterfront or a portion of the Discovery Trail. It's definitely easier to do this when you have someone (or someones) doing this with you, every step of the way. Several of the girls at school are doing WW or working on their weight and we can all share ideas and recipes together while trying to ignore the fatty snack filled vending machine in the shampoo room.
When weight starts falling off quickly, my mind does like to jump to the highly improbable, highly imaginative possibility of losing that same amount every week. I do the math and see how quickly I could be at my goal weight, but I know that 1. Weight loss doesn't fall off like that unless there is something seriously wrong and 2. The faster you lose it, the faster you regain it if you aren't careful.
Its a very interesting parallelism between being proud of everything that you do, every goal you reach and every pound (or half) you lose and not looking like you are a gloating b&!*h who is only fishing for compliments. I think anyone who takes their health into their own hands and takes the right steps towards being healthier deserves a pat on the back and a round of applause. But while doing this, I am going to try hard to document and talk openly about it all without making it feel like "Planet Look at me!"
Anyone got any great song suggestions for my gym playlist? Mine current one is getting a bit stale . . .
Tomorrow Mom and I will meet up and spend our day together, starting with our official weekly weigh ins and a good walk somewhere, whether it be the waterfront or a portion of the Discovery Trail. It's definitely easier to do this when you have someone (or someones) doing this with you, every step of the way. Several of the girls at school are doing WW or working on their weight and we can all share ideas and recipes together while trying to ignore the fatty snack filled vending machine in the shampoo room.
When weight starts falling off quickly, my mind does like to jump to the highly improbable, highly imaginative possibility of losing that same amount every week. I do the math and see how quickly I could be at my goal weight, but I know that 1. Weight loss doesn't fall off like that unless there is something seriously wrong and 2. The faster you lose it, the faster you regain it if you aren't careful.
Its a very interesting parallelism between being proud of everything that you do, every goal you reach and every pound (or half) you lose and not looking like you are a gloating b&!*h who is only fishing for compliments. I think anyone who takes their health into their own hands and takes the right steps towards being healthier deserves a pat on the back and a round of applause. But while doing this, I am going to try hard to document and talk openly about it all without making it feel like "Planet Look at me!"
Anyone got any great song suggestions for my gym playlist? Mine current one is getting a bit stale . . .
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Why do I want this so badly???
1. Because I don't want to cringe when I see myself:
A. Naked in a mirror
B. Fat in a picture
C. Unable to fit into a cute piece of clothing
2. Because I have too many cute things in my closet I want to wear.
3. Because being happier with myself means being happier with many aspects of my life.
4. Because I don't really like wearing control top underwear or Spanx.
5. Because I want to be thin before I get fat with a pregnancy.
6. Becase I have a box of skimpy underwear I put away years ago, before I ever even met Mike. He deserves to see me in them.
7. Because if I do it, I'll be an inspiration to others in my life who want to lose weight with me.
8. Because I want to look damn good at my high school reunion next year.
9. Because feeling fit and healthy is much better then chocolate, french fries and cheesy bread.
10. Because I am determined to be as hot as my best friends.
11. Because I am sick of shopping for size 12, 14 or XL when an 8, 10 or medium could fit me.
12. So I don't have to do the arm pose or head tilting to look thinner in pictures.
13. Because so many articles of clothing I currently wear would look better on me a little looser.
14. Because there is something so empowering about seeing:
A. Before and After shots
B. Clothes fitting that didn't before
C. The numbers on the scale get lower.
15. Because I can only hide under winter layers for so long.
16. Because standing all day will be easier on my body if I weighed less.
17. Because there are so many foods out there that are tasty and healthy.
18. Because I want to finally fulfill this particular New Year Resolution.
19. Because who doesn't love to hear compliments of how thin/skinny/good they look?
20. Because Mom has put off a family portrait too many years in hopes of us losing weight.
21. Because WW meetings are fun when you don't have to pay for them.
22. Because deep down, I'd love to try on my wedding dress and have it be way too big.
23. Because there is that picture of my mother I would love to look like when I reach that age (I still can!).
24. Because I have been promising myself I would "someday" achieve this for too long.
25. Because I don't want to live my whole adult life feeling fat.
26. Because I deserve to see what my husband sees in me.
27. Because the less I weigh before pregnancy, the less I'll weigh at the end of it.
28. Because if one of the few things we can control in life is our weight, I should be in correct control of my own.
29. Because if I ever meet Mike's co-workers, I want him to be proud of a hot, thin, beautiful wife.
30. Because continually improving myself mind, body and soul is a great path to be on.
A. Naked in a mirror
B. Fat in a picture
C. Unable to fit into a cute piece of clothing
2. Because I have too many cute things in my closet I want to wear.
3. Because being happier with myself means being happier with many aspects of my life.
4. Because I don't really like wearing control top underwear or Spanx.
5. Because I want to be thin before I get fat with a pregnancy.
6. Becase I have a box of skimpy underwear I put away years ago, before I ever even met Mike. He deserves to see me in them.
7. Because if I do it, I'll be an inspiration to others in my life who want to lose weight with me.
8. Because I want to look damn good at my high school reunion next year.
9. Because feeling fit and healthy is much better then chocolate, french fries and cheesy bread.
10. Because I am determined to be as hot as my best friends.
11. Because I am sick of shopping for size 12, 14 or XL when an 8, 10 or medium could fit me.
12. So I don't have to do the arm pose or head tilting to look thinner in pictures.
13. Because so many articles of clothing I currently wear would look better on me a little looser.
14. Because there is something so empowering about seeing:
A. Before and After shots
B. Clothes fitting that didn't before
C. The numbers on the scale get lower.
15. Because I can only hide under winter layers for so long.
16. Because standing all day will be easier on my body if I weighed less.
17. Because there are so many foods out there that are tasty and healthy.
18. Because I want to finally fulfill this particular New Year Resolution.
19. Because who doesn't love to hear compliments of how thin/skinny/good they look?
20. Because Mom has put off a family portrait too many years in hopes of us losing weight.
21. Because WW meetings are fun when you don't have to pay for them.
22. Because deep down, I'd love to try on my wedding dress and have it be way too big.
23. Because there is that picture of my mother I would love to look like when I reach that age (I still can!).
24. Because I have been promising myself I would "someday" achieve this for too long.
25. Because I don't want to live my whole adult life feeling fat.
26. Because I deserve to see what my husband sees in me.
27. Because the less I weigh before pregnancy, the less I'll weigh at the end of it.
28. Because if one of the few things we can control in life is our weight, I should be in correct control of my own.
29. Because if I ever meet Mike's co-workers, I want him to be proud of a hot, thin, beautiful wife.
30. Because continually improving myself mind, body and soul is a great path to be on.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Somewhere between miserable and happy
Okay . . . so in the last few weeks, I have somewhat come to be more comfortable with how I look. Obviously, there are areas that I would like more toned, more slender - less fat, but all in all, I have become far more "okay" with my body. Also, I have been building a base tan and that has helped me look a bit less thick or I at least like to think so.
But then I met a new friend on the 4th of July and she posted some pictures she took of that day and tagged me in a few. That damn one dimension flattens you out and gives little imagination to your curves.
I know I need to step it up more, get back on the treadmill and get back to counting my points. Same song, same lyrics . . . repeat chorus.
There is this really cute store in the Vancouver Mall (gasp! What???) and not only are their clothes cute, they are affordable and I could sooo see myself wearing about 80% of their stock, if I would just shed the last few pounds that need to go (few? Who am I kidding? I need to drop at least another 20 to really look good in those clothes.).
I really have no excuse, no decent reason to not be losing. I can at least be proud that I am not gaining at school (that seems to be the norm at beauty school, apparently) but I could definitely step it up a bit more and actually see some real results.
And honestly, it is only me that is pushing myself so hard. My husband is unbelievably content with me at this size (or even when I was twenty pounds heavier) but supports me losing to whatever (reasonable) size I want.
I just keep wondering what is it going to take me to get back on that wagon and get my butt into gear. I miss feeling good about myself.
But then I met a new friend on the 4th of July and she posted some pictures she took of that day and tagged me in a few. That damn one dimension flattens you out and gives little imagination to your curves.
I know I need to step it up more, get back on the treadmill and get back to counting my points. Same song, same lyrics . . . repeat chorus.
There is this really cute store in the Vancouver Mall (gasp! What???) and not only are their clothes cute, they are affordable and I could sooo see myself wearing about 80% of their stock, if I would just shed the last few pounds that need to go (few? Who am I kidding? I need to drop at least another 20 to really look good in those clothes.).
I really have no excuse, no decent reason to not be losing. I can at least be proud that I am not gaining at school (that seems to be the norm at beauty school, apparently) but I could definitely step it up a bit more and actually see some real results.
And honestly, it is only me that is pushing myself so hard. My husband is unbelievably content with me at this size (or even when I was twenty pounds heavier) but supports me losing to whatever (reasonable) size I want.
I just keep wondering what is it going to take me to get back on that wagon and get my butt into gear. I miss feeling good about myself.
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