Music to my ears

Love list # 6, 7, 8 & 9

#6 - Well Written Lyrics

     While I have been told I have a way with words, I am often in awe of those who I feel do it far better than me. Namely, songwriters. Not only do they have to be clever and inventive with their word choice and usage, but they also have to do to music. Having never taken more than a year of recorder lessons in elementary school and a handful of keyboarding classes (before I begged my mom to let me quit), I am not all that talented with music. Sure, I can sing but even reading sheet music is a struggle. Being that I do love a talented twist of the tongue, I find myself often jotting down lyrics that strike me and inspire me. They are commonly used as blog titles too, and journal entry titles in my personal journal too.

     After a while of collecting these lyrics, I found myself wanting to keep them all together, for reflecting and for picking through for said blog titles. I currently have over 22 pages in a notebook of sweet, snarky and silly lines that inspire me.

   Here are some of my favorites:
"I wish I was a fine wine, I wish I were a good drug"

"Don't breathe too deep, don't think all day"

"Saying 'I love you' has nothing to do with meaning it"

"Everybody's favorite girl doesn't fake it anymore"

"Better off, I sparkle on my own."

"The edge of your sword isn't sharp enough for me to bleed"

"This is me before I fall apart"

"You and your glance makes this romance too hot to handle"

"If I wasn't so happy, I wouldn't be so scared of dying"

"If I looked out a different window, would the snow still fall as beautiful?"

"We all need a pantomime to remind us what is real"

    Of course, the words hold only so much weight when they aren't backed by the musical orchestrations and vocal power used to convey them.  The following are two of my favorite groups, who's music are both getting me through a lot of rough spots these days and their lyrics fill the pages of that notebook.

Its the little things you've got to love

Love list #3, 4 and 5

#3 Staying up late- I am a nightowl. I can easily stay up well past 3 am without really realizing it. Sure, I see the time but it generally doesn't register just how late it is until I am finally climbing into bed and calculating how few hours I have until I have to wake up again. Much like saving EVERYTHING, I inherited this from my mother, who she inherited from her mother. We were up until after midnight tonight doing Mom's hair (root touch-up and cut) and as I am going upstairs to "get ready for bed", I hear her get on the phone with Grandma. When unemployed, staying up into unGodly hours becomes a norm for me and a hard habit to break when I return to the land of them employed. If I could regularly function on 4 hours of sleep, I so would. But I am one that generally requires 6 if not 8 hours.

#4 Naps - Hated them when I was little. Love them now. Especially on the sofa, especially after 4pm (which is normally the deadline they say is when you should NEVER nap past or it will hinder your ability to fall asleep that same night) and especially with the television on. Not sure why the tv has to be on, but it does. However, I do hate when I wake up an hour or two later and realize that I have in fact slept away value hours of daylight.

#5 Texting - I am not one to use Text speak. In fact, I tend to use full sentences, proper punctuation and spelling. Mike and I shared 750 minutes of talking on our cell phone plan with unlimited texting. We never went over 400 minutes, but we'd have been screwed if we hadn't had that unlimited package. I used to dream of there some day being a way to share and convey thoughts and feelings in short bursts to friends and family. Just never thought it would be through a phone.

My Not-so-green thumb

Love List:
#2 - Hens and Chicks

As hard as I have tried over the years, I really struggle to keep most plants alive. From bonsai trees to bamboo plants to even hydrangea, I have managed to nearly, if not completely, kill most plants put into my care for longer than a few weeks. The only plants that I have ever had success with are Hens and chicks.

Perhaps I should mention that these plants seem to do the best when they are almost completely left alone. Once rooted, you can water them about once every two weeks and they will do far better than if you preen over them. I should know; I have taken both approaches with them.

I can remember my mother growing them when I was little, as well as mothers of my friends. You plant one and within a few months, it's sprouting babies and then those babies are having babies and before you know it, you have pots spilling over the sides with these rosettes.

It saddens me that I have to greatly condense my collection, as I have spent the last five years growing and proudly showing interested friends my "babies". A number of my mother hens I received from my mother and my father is cringing at the idea that I will be bringing back more pots than I have taken from here in these past years. Sarah, who is also a fan of hens and chicks, will be taking several pots off of my hands, but I am still not all that sure what do with the rest of them.

This was my apartment garden of them back in 2005. It has nearly tripled in size now. I will be so sad to see so much of it go . . . But they are easy to grow and easy to find. Especially easy for me to love.

When somebody knows you well, there's no comfort like that

This picture was shamefully stolen from Sarah of frecklesandfairytales.blogspot.com/ but since its me (and she's my best friend) I really don't think she'll mind. I can easily say that I am only making it through these first days of transition as smoothly as I am thanks to my incredible group of friends. From endless text messages to endearing emails and instant message chats, entirely too many drinks for a Wednesday evening and runaway trips on Sunday afternoons or unexpected support from people I figured had given up on me, I am surrounded by endless support. And I am entirely grateful and thankful.

Since I am now paying for a gym membership, I am trying to make the most of my freetime. Watching less tv, unless I am on an elliptical or treadmill or at least have weights in hand. Trying to read more (a co-worker's sons have lent me their Percy Jackson series and so far, I find them quite delightful!) and write more too. But I'm also trying to work on me more too. And that is not easy.

I told a dear friend Saturday night that my "first and main focus is to get my body, mind, heart and soul all into amazing shape this year". But let me tell you, finding ways to mute your inner critic and increase your personal view of your self-worth is not as easy as one might think. People who seem almost full of themselves I watch with awe now, because I don't know how to be that. I don't know how to not pick myself apart in the mirror.

In an issue of Redbook I was thumbing through a few weeks ago, it suggested you make lists of your life, other than "To Do" lists. Lists like 10 places you would like to go in your life. 15 Things you would like to try. The one that peaked my interest? 20 Things I Love About Myself.

So I tried to do it.

I could only list 17. Three slots sit open and empty. I keep waiting for something else to come to me.

I am mostly settled into my parent's home, which has been easy, but am still spending spare time back at my old house, packing up the last five years of my life, which has been very hard. More than once, I have broken down and sobbed (and for anyone who knows me, knows I don't often cry) and have even gone as far as to suggest to my mom (who took days off of work to help me pack) that we just burn the place down. She quickly dismissed it.

January was for letting go and mourning. February is for regearing and starting to rediscover what it means to be me, now. About to turn 29. About to be single again. March . . . well, I'll determine what March is for once I am a bit closer to it.

February is also for love. And while I may not be able to list 20 things I love about myself, I can come up with 28 people and things I love in my life.

Love list #1 Sarah

I'm starting with Sarah. Love, love, love her! I love her open heart and brilliant mind. She is extraordinarily talented, very ecclectic and entirely unique. Often attempted to be duplicated, but she is the original and those copycats pale in comparison. She knows my soul and hears what I am saying, even if the words never leave my lips. The energy surrounding her is intoxicating and it is no wonder why she is loved and leaned on by so many people. She is the kind of person you want to have in your world. I cannot imagine what my life would be like these days had I not ever met her.

Again, shamefully stolen from her. Hey, she has a MUCH better camera.